Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I'll rather die than not try.

Wrote this poem in 2005.

'If you feel you have the reasons to be away from me,
Then suit yourself and leave.
But I’ll be long gone, away far when you return.
You think I’ll wait,
That’s really wrong ,
I’m just moving ahead but with your shadow by my side.

Each morning I pray for you,
Secretly hoping God never hears as He watches my lips move,
But my heart says volumes.
If you hear, you’ll feel the pain I felt
When you walked out with a chunk of me.

I smile when we talk
Or rather my lips twitch as I said’ hello’, By the poolside.

I saw her the other day as you stood,
Uncomfortable as I walked in the Benson’s party,
Quickly, you excused yourself as I danced away with Biyi
To the groovy sound of the night...

I’m leaving on the midnight bus, far away from you,
‘Silly!’ not physically ……..but in my emotions.
I’ll bury you at midnight in the sands of time
Far away from my heart, so that the dust does not choke me
Or my eyes become red.
Although they have been red for several days

Yinka asked what the problem was
I said ‘Apollo’, ‘Ha!’ I could see the disbelief in her eyes,
Even the parrots could tell I lied , I cared less as I’m too proud to say
He left me, ‘that’s weakness! I ain’t weak … and stupid ‘I say to myself as I gather all the cards, pictures and letters,
Saying good bye to your quaint writing, to your lies.

I hope I get a rebirth, as I say the last rites.
Hoping for a grand passage of life with you,

to a life alone.
As the pine tree rustled to the sound of the cool, cold night.

Weave


Braid my hair,
Silky soft hands flow through them,
Just like water pouring, soothing
Let your touch caress the beautiful roots of my long long hair.
Fine, refined, stronger, beautiful,
Woven to the back just like you and your strength.
Your beauty transcends the physical; heart beat makes me sing,
Sitting between those silky, ebony, straight long legs
that stretch far beyond brings naughty imaginations to my head,
Stop! Am distracted as I see you elbows move in rhythm,
As you hum softly to my ears.
My head resting gently on your laps,
Working 9- 5 still taking good care of me,
My beautiful, strong, black woman.

Friday, October 26, 2007

My prayer this morning


Dear God,

Its Hopeful again,

so many things have happened in the last 24 hours even 24 days,

overwhelming and difficult but the thought of you gives me hope.

Please forgive me my sins; I never seem to get too far away from them.

My desire is to be all you want me but sometimes my flesh keeps pulling me back.

So many times I get weak,confused,jealous,selfish, bitter and filled with regrets.

Some times my heart gets filled with hate and anger, dear Lord help me forgive and be able to handle hurt and pain from people some ignorant and give me the ability to handle my emotions and not allow them take over me.

I pray never to hurt or inflict pain on anyone and if done please help ease their pain and give me the the grace to say sorry and apologise for the hurt.

Disappointments please turn them to appointments.

I want so many things in life God, but few are needed, help me make the right distinction/decisions and walk in faith, in my abilities and strength.
Shield me from unnecessary hassles and heartaches, hide me under your shadows, and take away hateful, discouraging and wicked people from my path.


Make me a better friend, sister, aunt to those around me, let them draw strength from my words and life,make me an example, make me more forgiving, loving and discerning.
With each of my faltering steps I pray for your hands to uphold me, strength to keep going on and hope to keep me living. The Hope that dreams come true, desires come alive bringing tears of joy down my face.
Help me be a giver always helping those in need around me. Let me look up to you as my source not man.
I pray to walk daily in your wisdom and knowledge.
Thank you for every experience, for my family and my friends. Situations may make them despair, I pray you help them at that point (and every other point in their life) and cause a change in circumstance for their good. Keep, guide and always surround us with your love.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Friday, October 19, 2007

family issues and thots on running thru my mind......

to find relief all i do is write meaningless sketches called poem, scribble away those raging thoughts when i can't talk to myself. recently its been so hard get biro to paper or just turn on my darling broken bedside partner (my laptop) and write.
Thought it would be that special person but some how there's a deep longing, a want, thirstm yearning in my heart for what i don't know and a large part unoccupied.
I feel fine, satisfied somewhat, okay but that space inside is hard to contend with.

My mum should be back in a couple of weeks, she's been on my back on all the regular you are getting older issues and i really don't look forward to her return or the trip back home. I miss her and all but i wish she could just shut up and try to be understanding,encouraging and supportitive. That would bring much talk and i always always become silent in the midst of all this tirades and act dumb or the fool. My Elder Sister and her crew would join too and it won't be a pleasant time for me. I look forward to seeing my latest niece though, heard she's a lil terrorist, well after her parents long wait , 14 years i think she can be a sweet lil terror to me....lol..i love my family alot and can do anything for them....
i just wish......

Am not depressed, far from it...

Thank God its Friday, look forward to being all over town hopefully rolling with the gals!
Its so much fun!

Have fun this weekend.
Am baking Jam and Honey cake this weekend for my beau!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

ABC'S of Hopeful

decided to do 2 memes , Borrowed this from Nikki

ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Well nothing really fantastic.....okay been able to compile my poems and write ups in my pc, well almost..........
BIRTHDAY: September 28
CONFUSED ABOUT: men, relationships
DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Coke
EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Myself
FAVORITE MUSIC/GROUP/BAND:Rock/R&B, Soul,Blues
GOOD OR NAUGHTY: Angel
HOMETOWN: Igarra, Edo State
INSTRUMENT: Used to play piano waaay back
JOB POSITION: Business/admin
KILLED SOMEONE: Not yet (Lol)
LONGEST CAR RIDE: Abuja to Port Harcourt
MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Plain for me
NUMBER OF PETS: none
ONE WISH: To be a successful poet,writer,lover
PERSON WHO YOU LAST TALKED TO: My assistant
QUIET OR LOUD: extremely quiet
REASONS TO SMILE: God, my family,friends, tomorrow.
SINGLE: .........
TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6.15am
UNDERWEAR: sexy,comfortable, colour coordinated.
VIOLENT: can't hurt a fly
WORST HABIT: Topsy Turvy wardrobe
X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Tooth
YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: other people's dogs
ZODIAC SIGN: Libra

borrowed this similar one from Nyemoni's

Accent: Maybe Naija fone (lol)
Booze: Irish Cream whisky
Chore I Hate: cleaning up, washing plates
Dogs/Cats: None thanks
Essential electronics: TV/RADIO/MUSIC
Favourite Perfume: ELIZABETH ARDEN'S GREEN TEA,
Gold / Silver: GOLD
Hometown: igarra, Edo State
Insomnia: frequent
Job title: Business/ Admin
Kids: None
Living arrangements: MY PALACE!
Most admired trait: Have to ask my friends...
Number of sexual partners: what?
Overnight hospital stays: Typhoid Fever
Phobia: Heights and large expanse of water, aloneophobia
Quote: 'love is many things , its varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure' Maya Angelou
Religion: Christianity
Siblings: 6
Time I usually awake: 6a.mish
Unusual talent: faith
Vegetable I refuse to eat: Juice extracted from ugwu.....
Worst habit: Procrastination,lazy
X-rays: Tooth x ray
Yummy foods I make: Jollof Rice, Egusi, Vegetable soup, sauce, etc
Zodiac sign: Libra