my 92 silly questions

just thought about questions, and have been on question seat recently...

1. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Any flavor would do just fine thank you!
2. What was the last thing you ate? Moin – Moin
3. What CD is in your CD player right now? Three doors down
4. How many keys are on your key ring? It depends, got office bunch which has 14 keys and house bunch which has 2 keys
5. How much money do you have in your wallet? Well, well, well nothing!!!
6. List two bad habits that you have. Now tell me which one you would be willing to give up first. Can’t think of anything right now………..
7. What spice or seasoning is your favorite? Which one can you add to anything and make it taste better? That would be curry, I love the smell….
8. What's your birthstone? Would you change it? Sapphire and no way…I love its sparkle
9. If you had one day to live, what would you do? Pray more communicate my love to my family and friends and ask forgiveness from those I have hurt.
10. Do you know what your name means? It means humans are greater than material things (I think)…
11. What color is your room? Creamy
12. Do you give your pet’s birthday and Christmas presents? For what na??
13. Men - what color fingernail polish do you prefer for your women? Women - What color polish do you most often wear? I prefer polish in nude, earthy tones.
14. Think about this for a second - When you fasten your pants do you button first of zip first, I think I zip up first
15. Which of the following characteristics would you rather have? You can only choose one. Nice Exciting Loving Hot. Exciting
16. If I asked every person that you've kissed, they'd say that your kisses are tentative, wild, intense, or sweet? I think intense (lol)
17. Do you kiss on the first date? - Of course, Not usually, Depends, or only- of course not!!
18. When your plate has different foods on it do you usually mix all the foods together, keep them all separate, or do you combine only certain foods? I only mix certain foods……not that adventurous...
19. When you have food cravings, is it usually for something sweet, salty, greasy, or creamy? Definitely something very very sweet.
20. Have you ever snooped in your significant others things? If so, would you do it again? Yes, at times when curiosity got the better part of me and yeah I would do it again if there’s cause for it, you will be shocked at what you see!! And I’m sure I’ve been snooped on before
21. Describe your morning ritual to me – getting out of bed is enough ritual
22. You're stuck in an airport, what paper do you turn to for the news? My Truelove ok it’s a mag and I love it
23. You run in to a friend while out shopping. Where are you? Its got to be Tejuosho market or Balogun
34. What is your favorite breakfast cereal? Men, anything I feel like eating at that particular point in time
35. Would you rather be richer than anyone, better than everyone, or less encumbered by responsibility. I chose RICH anytime any day…..
36. If there were no consequences, would you rather eat and drink as much as want, sleep with whomever you want, or yell and fight as much as you want? I would eat and drink whatever I want (lol)
37 When you fall asleep are you usually on your side, your stomach, or your back? Do you sleep on the right or left side of the bed? I usually fall asleep on my side; I sleep on the left side usually of my bed.
38. Which of the following would your friends say you are? Shy Clumsy Pessimistic Behind the times – I think shy
39. If there was an extra hour in the day, what would you spend it doing? Reading
40. When you have a deadline do you get started right away, wait until the
Last minute, or switch back and forth between projects? Switch back and forth between projects
41. Which do you prefer? The dentist or the eye doctor? Eye doc anyway…..
42. If you could hire one of the following, which would it be? Driver Chef Maid Stylist – it would be a driver in this crazy. Chaotic city
43. Can you play a musical instrument? If so, which one? Not even to save my life!!!
44.
What is your shoe size? 5
45. What is your blood type? How many of you don't know your blood type? Well, which is that exactly now….AS, O+
46. When flying, do you prefer the window seat, middle seat, or aisle seat? Middle seat
47. What is your favorite number? 7
48. Do you sing in the shower? If so, are you any good? Yeah, I guess so, nobody has complained
49. If you could be any animal what would you be? Queen of the jungle, Lioness
50. What movie have you watched the most? Well………..thinking
51. What is your favorite drink, alcoholic or non alcoholic? Non alcoholic
52. If you could adopt one wild animal, what would it be? Why? So I can be eaten in my house? No way……..
53. If you could have any car in the world, what would it be? BMW 1 series I love that baby……………
54. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I love the color blue
55. If you were going to a remote place and could only take one CD with you- that would be Mary J. Blige – the Breakthrough or Brian McKnight’s – Super Hero
56. Would you rather miss the beginning or the end of a movie? If you had to? The beginning.
57. Which do you dislike more? Pop-up ads or spam e-mail? Pop up ads.
58. Which is worse? Someone snoring right next to you on a plane or a baby crying right next to you on a plane – baby crying
59. Which is worse? Being in a place that is too loud or too quiet? Too loud!!!
60. Which would be worse? Being made to eat bugs or drink sour milk? Why suffer myself?
61. Which would be worse? Someone tickling you or biting you? Biting is definitely worse!
62. Which would be worse? Your roommate eating all the food or wearing your clothes? Eating all my foood
63. Which would be worse? Bleeding to death or starving to death? Starving to death, ehwww
64. Which is worse? Being under age or being over the hill? No offence ma, over the hillll
65.Which would be worse? Being stuck in an elevator or in traffic? Stuck in an elevator… that’s hallucinations
66. Which is worse? Stepping in dog poo or sitting in gum? Sitting in gum, how I wan waka?
67. Do any of you know why we sneeze? Where did "God Bless You" originate? Nope
68. Which is more embarrassing to you? Walking with toilet paper on your shoe or with your pants unzipped? I think its got to be tissue
69. Which is worse? Foot odor or armpit odor? Armpit
70. Which is worse? Finding a bug in your sandwich or hair in your soup?
71. Would you rather have wheels or wings? Wings baby to fly!
72. Would you rather have seven older brothers or seven older sisters? Seven older brothers, believe me its best
73. Would you rather change your past or know your future? Know my future
74. How do you feel about haunted houses? Would you visit one? Well it sounds interesting to visit
75. What celebrity do you lust over? Currently its hill Harper
76. Would you rather kiss a stranger or someone you hate? Stranger will do
77. Women - What kind of perfume do you wear? Guys - Cologne? Got a couple, I think my fave now is eternity
78. Would you rather speak with God for one minute or add one year to your life- won’t pass speaking face to face with God
79. Would you rather be lost at sea or in a desert? Neither
80. Would you rather meet Scooby, Mickey Mouse, Garfield, or Bugs Bunny? Scooby Doby dooooooo
81. Would you rather have free chocolate for one year or free potatoes for life? Ha!! Don’t have to think about it, chocolate it is
82. Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Hatred
83. Would you rather be gossiped about or never talked about at all? Gossiped about, at least someone recognizes me.
84. Would you rather find one million dollars or find true love? True love
85. Would you rather sex in the morning or sex in the evening? Evening is great!
86. Do you tend to date people younger or older than you? Indifferent
87. Did you save yourself for marriage? Wish I had
88. would you, or have you ever dated any body with different political views as you? If so, would you marry this person? Maybe
89. Do you have any fears, phobias, or concerns about doctors? That they would prick me with a needle for something as a slight headache?
90. What do you think about tattoos? Do you have any? Would you ever get any? They are cool, no courage yet to get one.
91. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Irish cream
92. What talent do you wish you possessed? Ability to play the guitar
93. Are you generally an optimist, pessimist, or realist? Maybe a cross between an optimist and a realist

i feel lazy like the wind
unable to move my muscles to the beat
life's beat
fear grips often
ever so often
as my chest falls back inside
intimidated or timid, i really can't tell
what i want to be
becoming what i dream are miles apart
so i struggle,
fighting elements,panting
maybe i can get some accolades for trial
but almost never counts is the reply i get
the by stand is filled, too shy to move ahead
too far away to turn back
i stand still as i hear the cat calls and taunts
someone just pointed at me i said
as i felt my skin crawl with saliva
hot blazing sun,
red shot eyes
tired
tied
by my will
not by their jeers.
it can do nothing, I'm alligator skin
inches thick, filled with black pride.
my pride.
so i stand.

I really missed writing on this blog, it was a long weekend and actually interesting one for me. I really enjoy good conversation especially with someone who's deep and interesting. Well, had a good time being heard and spoken with. I just wish....sometimes wish……..
i sometimes wonder the really meaning of perfection, is it a novel idea or real? I just sometimes wonder. tried matching making last week, the guy is a close friend of mine, lets call him Ak and i hooked him up with a friend's friend, (Ka) who I've never met. I just gave Ak a general description, that Ka looked OK, maybe a bit busty but dark and pretty. Some days later i get a call from Ak with a stern warning never to introduce him to someone like Ka, ha!! see me see trouble? na helep na i bi wan helep am....anyways my PI instinct take over as i set out to meet Ka at a friend's friend's party. Was all set to met a Dracula queen when I saw a beautiful,dark girl who was just a little bit rusty in the dressing and makeup department and i started wondering, what’s up with guys and beautiful girls? All we want is a man who’s caring and we don’t mind if he looks like the hunch back of notre dame (actually not as bad sha!) as long as we are helplessly in love with the dude. here was a beautiful Ka being rejected by Ak who if i should add is your average looking dude wanna feel hot...... i don't want to go there....Ka spoke intelligently and works in a nice and good company, she looked like an independent kind of gal. well that's his loss and he should go out and look for miss world, that if she gives him as much as a hoot. An I hope he meets those pretty face no brains who are only interested in the weight of his bank account and how they can deplete it significantly!! Enough said, i really don't want to say what i feel about you.
Good luck Ak!!

i'm soooo happy and all because of a phone call i've been waiting for............
God I'm so grateful...........

what do you say?

I had a short conversation with a friend and she complained about herself to me,

'been feeling kinda low lately, its like I'm stuck in a mold. complaints flow freely and that i hate, my feels keep oscillating. I'm tired of asking God for a change, plain tired..............guess I'm just in the mood. no smiles on my face , tears stinging my eyes,tired all over that's how i feel. then there is this deep gnawing in somewhere inside,I'm just in the wrong place,wrong time..wrong'.

there was nothing particularly wrong physically as she tried explaining her recent feelings,apart from she was very single,been in a series of broken relationships and a broken marriage, lonely, caught up in a dead end job, flat out broke.
i felt kinda sorry for her and wished i could help,being depressed is a scary feeling and that was where she was now,what do you tell a depressed friend to lighten her spirit up? most times we wait to see an outward expression of happiness and forget that joy comes from within out.

How do you tell Azal whose husband walked out on her after a month of marriage because of family pressure and feels rejected about trust,what do you tell C after seeing the other woman at her boyfriend's house about love and faithfulness? what do you say to Tiana who feels rejected and used by someone who promised by law? what do you tell these women, when all they ever wanted was friendship,love and trust. what do you say about starting all over, over again. from where? what do you say about violence to the mind? what do you say?

Secrets 1

Hmm, i want to write about someone but i'm a scared he'll read about it and start feeling......i don't know! anyways i got sooo many things on my mind, i don't know where to start. there's this post i'm working on, i doubt if i'll ever post it because its the very intimate part of me, me in the bathroom, exposed me!!! no i don't want nobody to see that, never....ever.....
I wonder if i'm bugging, disturbing, chasing after someone who not care the hoot about me kinda person? I wonder...i'm really strong on friendships and once i've connected with someone and i feel they feel the same way too i can die and do anything for that somebody until recently......

i meant to talk about secrets....i think i'll do that tomorrow.
Hey, if you ever get to read this it was nice talking with you.

my ramblings on names this cold morning

There's this guy i met while serving in Port, lets call him Z, I stumbled on someone with a similar blog name online and the dislike i have for Z returned to me. why do i dislike him so? well for starters, he's double minded.....he no get idea wetin he want. one minute he's on my neck next he's disppeared like a flash of lightening. well initially i send am way back but he fooled himself big time, Justin Timberlake's song 'cry me a river' reminds me of what he did and i secretly pray he does that always. shuo , he go come as if na juju im chop, anyways, he came into the country in december last year and called , (sori don't mean to be abusive, but really gats to cos i'm pissed) came to see me and all that shit...next thing (was not surprised but hurt ) he disappeared after making certain date commitments. me? i continue with life but i just had to get the final word in this matter. I sent him several emails acting all nice and good and even call am sef!! but na voice mail only to get email some weeks later giving some lame ass excuse...excuse me? the other side of me was very fast in sending a nasty reply which i never forget but remember with a devilish grin. never mess up with a benin breed , naija gal!! infact he berra call me aunty when next he see me, because me, ha!! i won't tell you this one. make he go look for suegbe to de folo folo am up and down, so bloody what he works in an oil coy as inter staff? my granny get oil coy sef, silly boi!! na oda gals go open openlet bcos of dat , NO , NOT B!!! he's even lucky he got away with email sef, i for hunt am sootay he go start to cry. he go see woman eye waka comot.....foolish Z whatever he calls himself..........

N/B
Kindly note that i'm a sweet lil angel that'll never hurt a fly except (maybe) in my thoughts!!!

My morning musing on Karma

Had a rather sad evening yesterday, NEPA/PHCN cut power supply to ourside of the house. Why should they they cut power supply when i never see last month bill? infact i vex go their office with slippers and camisole and met a familiar face who could help but refused to. I felt mad, angry and tired, this would make the 2nd day of no electricity!! I begged and pleaded almost cried, na lie the (God forgive me) foolish NEPA guys refused to budge.I went home dejected and cussing, why? nothing ever works in naija, sometimes i wan pack my bag go de stay ghana sef, anyways na im i go house con de rant for my neighbour house, vex, talk all the tins wey de my mind about nepa and their cunny self. she just de laugh but men!! i was filled with rage! if to say i fit corner one of these nepa guys for dark na electric abi na thunder na i for conjure take stone them.

ok, i con finally cool down , we gist enter the night , i and my neighbour till sleep con de catch us that was wen she left and i just remembered my boss. his driver gave me his NEPA bill some weeks ago and i forgot or refused to pay, till yesterday i dug it out and sent it for payment. is this Karma? i thought to myself, chei! so na me con suffer the whole tin, if nepa cut d big man lite all he has to do is turn on the generator which by the way carries every friggin electrical appliance in his house, while me? na inside heat and boredom i go de until its repaired. what about other things? Does the law of karma affect those other things?

Dream on dreamer, life's on the way........

Higher by Creed
When dreaming
I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise
I fight to stay asleep
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is To let love replace all our hate
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there Let's ask can we stay?
Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine.

This is one of my favorite songs and I always love listening to it when I’m in a reflective mood or dreaming about something. I sometimes call myself Joseph the dreamer, used to say some rather outlandish stuff when I was little to my sisters and they would just laugh. My problem has always been fear factor, inability to move and the idea that I have to wait for stuff to just fall in place.
Hmm, this weekend was really great and insightful. I purposed in my heart certain things and started the machinery for its unfolding……..ok..too much grammar.
I’m big on dreams, have always dreamt of being an entrepreneur, a musician, a model , actress, beauty queen , socialite, writer, poet, wife of a billionaire(still working on that), see my face on ebony , Genevieve, true love, own a magazine…. (the list is endless) Soon all other issues and stuff made me dream more and sometimes put pen on paper. I ventured into some stuff but they soon died because of fear of commitment. Dreams are good , they make you wander into foreign lands in your minds eyes. They sometimes give hope and the will to live. I’m a big dreamer by nature and this weekend I took an extra bold step, working towards my dream realization. I don’t want to wake up 10 years later and find out the world just moved on with me standing in same space. Sometimes I wonder sometimes if its wrong to dream, what if they never come true and the total opposite happens. People say its lack of tenacity and point out people who against all odds achieved the unachievable, well, got nothing to say about that. Some people say never expect nothing so that you will be grateful for what happens to you. That’s pessimism in disguise sha. For me its more like a mixture of pessimism and optimism/faith. Keeping faith, helps keep your dreams alive burning within. i also realised that people help to push you to your dreams, the playa haters and the good friends alike. Love your friends that encourage you and tell you the truth in love and love those that hate your guts, your drive and the good God has deposited inside of you, sometimes they just need a very good example which you are. ok...enuf ramblings.....just dream on expect the best. to all my friends, i really love and appreciate you guys for keeping me sane all through these years......................

choppins

Na wa oh! i like food well well, i just finish pounded yam and edikanikong soup wit beta goat meat, na so i just de bless the person wey helep me buy the food sef. i gara talk this one here pips! the thing enter well , well........
if person wan thief me make e just buy ice cream , the one wan nut de inside beta because i go just folo you go any where , no complain , no problem(i no fit shout), wuo sii i no go call the name of the kin ice cream before bad people waylay me for road.... have a good foodfilled ..sori i mean funfilled weekend

am i religious?

Have been kinda troubled in my mind and it concerns my weekend outing that i mentioned earlier, i agreed on going on for a religious event with a friend. The church hosting it are well known for their stringent rules and regulations and this event had a specific set of rules which had to be followed to get the desired results. I have been pretty sceptical but my friend was quite encouraging as she believed it would be the end of our problems, but i have been unsettled in my mind and my beliefs because i felt like i was now depending on a man to get my prayers answered instead of looking up to God, i now felt like i was needy,desperate and kinda uncontrollable i.e i could go to any length just to be fulfilled. this was highlighted more in a talk with a dear friend... i really had to think and reflect on myself and beliefs. called to cancel to the dismay of my friend who wanted a partner badly. I new a change is not going to come until i change myself and make a firm decision to stay changed.
That's the decision i have made. I'm shaky, because its hard, we all know living to God's standard is hard, there are things i do, situations i get in that i forget all about him and think about self satisfaction. For some of us nothing ever works right expect its done right. That's me for sure, so i better start acting right before i realise its too late and all i'm filled with is coulda , shoulda , woulda.

Car Thoughts..............

I'm having a good day so far,had to go somewhere before getting to the office this morning,took my time..funny i always take my time becos office is just 10 mins away by bike. Horrible bike. Na so every morning my heart dey beat as i wan comot for haus, all these okada/bike men, na God de save person oh, anyone wey i enter na prayer to God and i got to shout for their head. I need car oh!

me and my neighbour don analyse, complain , strategies,plot everything on how to buy car, but so far nothing. Na God eye we de look.

Me the kin car wey i want na BMW 1 series , automatic na im i want. that's my dream car , fell in love with it 2 years ago and i'm still in love, for me thats real!! I 've never been that long in love with a guy or even date a guy that long sef. one kata kata de always de happen between 3 to 6 months. so at the end of 6 months i don enter SSSC(single & still searching club). The thing don pain me tire, i de soooo in love and could see the wedding party and as usual k leg enter the stori. There was one , we met in church, (ok that should be the perfect place to meet a wonderful guy, right? very wrong! church thing neva work for me.) and it was all nice and rosy(i thot), i never (to my knowledge) pressured him or talked about the 'm' word and we had fun till one evening a week before vals day he just walked for no reason! God i wanted his head so badly(literally speaking) anyways that na later gist...... na even a dry gist sef ;) .

This car wahala oh! so as i no fit get BMW 1 series i con agree for my mind say i fit manage Kia picanto while i wait for my miracle (BMW1 series , auto drive, black exterior and black interior preferably). I got faith! Please if you know my boss , kindly tell him my preference. Well any colour for picanto will do, i go manage am.

I just feel very happy this morning, hope it remains this way all through today. Hmm,i don go enter anoda thing oh!! the stori go mature thiw weekend and i go see if i fit gist am, if not call and i go nack u tori!

Dieting

Sometimes I wonder about splashing all my personal life on the blog but I fear the risk of been looked at with ‘one kind eye’. It seems like am always in one stuff or the other. in my life, dull moments may seem like eternity but in a blink of an eye , wham!! something happens turning my surreal life to one fast paced nollywood movie.someone says its because of my mischievious nature, i wonder.

Anyways the latest thing I’m in to now is fruit diet, I feel whacked sha doing it but I got this huge tummy for my rather slim figure apart from the thought of trying to look like Beyounce (kindly note the use of ‘trying’). That’s another story, there are no similarities between us at all,length breadth and all that.(still believe in miracles).
My new year’s resolution is to have a flatter tummy, trim and work on my overall body shape blah blah blah blah. Although I’ve been told there’s no need for that, tried exercising at home, I think I only achieved that thought wise. Plan 2 was early morning jogging and after a day I quit, who wants to run so early in the morning when I should be enjoying the comfort of my comfy bed? Well not me. So I quit and just admired those beautiful girls in MTV and magazines. Then in may I decided to join a gym, went there a certain evening and was certainly punished,could hardly lift a finger when I got home that evening, the next morning I felt like a car had ran me over. (who send me message sef?)

Anyways, I’m not giving up or quiting hence the start of a fruit diet, so far so good but I miss eating all that good food, ice cream, coke my beloved coke…(sigh!).

dieting, exercise all that............

Wedding Bells

This post is dedicated to a very close friend, who has been like a brother and a best friend to me through the years i've known him, he his walking down the aisle with his heartthrob tomorrow. I'm wishing them the best things they pray for in life.

i love reading this poem by Maya Angelou, its really inspiring and read it a blog and thought i should share....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

These words........

words always flow out of me,
they are my constant companions, weaving imaginations in my heart,
filling my heart with conversation.
they are so familiar with me, as we play to the beat of the sound,
caressing my thoughts as it floats past my ears,
pictures of reality form every minute in my mind as i conjure words to fit in papers,
no need to lay hold on pen as i can recall my friends.
in the stillness and silence,words bubble upward spreading their beautiful wings,
i see clearly my words come to life........

'Love is many things, its varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure'- Maya Angelou (Madea Family Reunion).

When a heart’s broken,
I wonder what it takes to mend;
Time or feeling?
Is it best to forget and move on?
Or forget and stand still with fear,
Endless time stands still, reverberating through the life tunnel,
sometimes you stand still and see feelings grow and fade and grow and fade……
Where will yours end?
Sometimes truth hurts like a million daggers in a open wound
Its true that tears fall when we cry,
Streams flow down the crevices of our face, scaring our hearts already laden with pain,
Memories sometimes lead us to that,
Reminiscing, thoughts in torrents,
Sometimes we fall on same slime,
To stand takes us time,
Do you stand in time past or feelings felt to go on?

what is love? its one thing i have longed to know, when i see a couple happy,i wonder if its love that brings out that glow in her eyes and the spring in his walk. Is it just a fast heartbeat at the sight of someone,strong physical attraction,a desire to sacrifice all you have just to make someone happy? i seriously wonder what it is because i want to have and keep it. those it transcend the physical, is it meant for two people or can one be in love with several people at same time?

Love to me means a fast heartbeat,sharing,companionship,promise,selflessness and also pain,hurt ,tears,heartbreak. Love this, love that......its also not just a feeling but a big commitment that says even in your worst state i still love you. How i long to meet that person that would act that way, i aight talking about God or Jesus, i know all about that.

right now i feel like I've emptied it all on people that have taken it for granted and i have none to give because my well is empty and my heart is cold. Sometimes i act cynical when am around people who seem so much in love, i sometimes wonder how long can he / she stay in love? The older i get, the more i get this feeling that i'll never experience it.....just too scared,sometimes i feel really hopeful.......hopeful for brighter days.

Answer(Part1)

i have been putting away answering the question i put out some weeks ago, waiting for answers not same questions!

well, i know we are all shy and reserved, that should be your private business, but you can't wait to read mine,how hypocritical!!!

OK, who's in my bed?? i got a wonderful bear......really red and white cute little teddy that's on my bed. its really strange because I've always hated stuffed animals. A longtime ex gave me a stuffed animal once (rabbit i think) as Val's present, was pissed because i wasn't expecting an animal!! so,immediately gave it to my baby niece as a present. this teddy was acquired in a not to be spoken way........so more questions are welcome, see ya

I'm listening to Mary J. Blige's 'take me as i am' and I'm thinking these random thoughts,
we all have a list for everything, our ideal house, job, car, girlfriend,wife,family therefore
forget ourselves in the perfect world we try to create,make around us or achieve.
we lose sight of our imperfections that makes us and try to be perfect, flawless, just be right in the eyes of others. All we think about is a perfect picture we have to create for others to be envious.
Also, we forget that we have other people's list to measure up to or else we'll faced with rejection. Rejection is something we dread instinctively but sometimes do it deliberately to others we feel don't measure up but we expect to be handled leniently and loving while we rise the bar and high handed with others not considering their circumstance.
why can't we be real and take each other as we are?

we can only get better and not transformed to self made creatures filled with pride,

we can improve and not be perfect as the Jones. humanness is shown in our defects and flaws, our ability to make mistakes and learn from them, to cry and make amends, to ask forgiveness and repent, to move ahead and be unstuck from past. the knowledge that you cannot judge your brother without exposing yourself makes us vulnerable of our weakness and more compassionate to him without being judgemental lending a helping hand to make him a better person.

Acceptance is key to knowledge, true knowledge of who we are, how we can improve not losing our self in 'the list'.
just take me as i am, i have nothing at all. i can only be B.

Through my mind's eyes
i see things so real that it hurts to know
i may never live it or feel
Through my senses
i hear your voice calling you need me,
i turn to know its only through my senses
i feel,
i taste,
thoughts of you weigh deep inside
as i float through scenes played out in time.
possibilities seem endless as i watch your move,
further,further.
i strain harder
to catch your thoughts,
through your mind's eyes.