Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Clocks

was thinking how time flies, how so much happens in a twinkle of an eye....
coldplay's clocks was playing in my head as i saw time racing by through your eyes.
i see you and say hello,
you say goodbye and disappear separated by time,
tick i move slowly while you gain years ahead of me,
sluggishly i creep to try to be with you but you fastforward
leaving me again behind.

Through your eyes,
the clocks tick tock, tick tock
as i click my heels waiting for the wizard of Oz.
counting 1,2
clinking shoes, shut eyes

there is no place like home.....

Cure for Boredom

i'm BORED!!!!!!!!!
infact i just realise that i'm always bored, going through same mundane daily tasks, nothing spiffy or interesting happening. My daily schedule is same day in day out!!
wake up in the morning between 5.30am - 6am, drag myself out of bed by 6.30 and am off to work at 7.15am get home between 5pm - 7pm watch teevee, gist with my friend and sleep...everyday of the week same same same routine. Sometimes i feel like i'll loose it, just flip. There are no extraordinary challenges in the office, everything is just same.

i always complain about being bored and all that and keep wondering what i could do to change it. For starters i would like to make more friends and meet more people. That would be fun thing to do. I just realised that i'm more of a closet kind of person with very few friends.

it just difficult making friends at an old age, sometimes i wish i was much younger and more daring. anyways..................laters

Monday, July 30, 2007

Baggage and Experience?

Had a busy weekend and met up with an old friend after a long break in communication. He talked about an old girlfriend and was reminiscing back in the day when they where dating and she had no baggage relationship wise and how it was the perfect relationship with the perfect girl and he just missed it....I almost asked what he meant by that, when he started talking about age and experience and all that and all that....................................

What really do we call baggage in a relationship and what do we call experience?

Friday, July 27, 2007

Miszy

tears in my eyes,
pain in my heart,
countless ablutions, no respite.
i still see them walking free, and i am on a scale
weighed down, immobile......


'Help!!' i cry out
He's taken my life and i'm almost wiped out....
the rain floods are wiping tracks of me in memories.
i rove, i move, distance not covered.
He's free and happy while libra holds me tight.

Huge mistake...no correction in sight.
Misgivings play in my head,
Hope is her middle name and she held me tight,
as the tears flooded the house where pain resides...

Mistang, sung in the prayer,
upside down....torn in dear.
its me Miszy again
singing same damn tune



“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” 1 John 4 : 18

I wonder when........

i want to know how it feels to wake up beside you every morning
with no fears that you'll be gone.............
how it feels to fool myself and still you remain and stay with me,
i wonder when I'll hear your voice in and out of time,
i wonder when I'll get that feeling, of being needed, or wanting you and you are right on time.
when there will be no pretense or cover ups....just you and me, me and you.
I wonder when you'll touch my tears and when I'll smoothen those frown lines....when you'll drive and I'll be asleep by your side not knowing where we are.... how it feels to hear your voice at night saying 'despite and in spite of ...i still want you...'
i long to be in your company always....in my mind and in my heart
knowing i'm always in yours too. to feel your touch...a part of me....a piece of your heart...the look in your eyes....the i'll never leave you...my heartbeat......talks...joys...sharing....help...
i wonder when love would be a permanent reality....

Friday, July 20, 2007

MANAGEMENT PARTNER AKA BOYFRIEND NEEDED

Our Client, A beautiful chic residing somewhere in Nigeria would like the FULL TIME services of a Management Partner aka BOYFRIEND.

A Christian , Handsome or good to look at, dark, Nigerian Man preferably and not less than 5'10 inches,single (divorcees or widowers can also apply), slim built, fun, happy, dynamic, confident person with good character , works hard, earns doubley hard. Excellent communication skills and diplomatic views are highly needed. Men thinking of changing their single status soon are highly encouraged to apply.

You must have been in previous relationships in the past, age should between 28 - 38 years . Applicants should apply in writing to hopefulb@gmail.com, kindly enclose your cv, pictures and any other relevant supporting documents that you believe would improve your chances. All CURRENT AND UNREPENTANT PLAYAS are discouraged from applying.

Kindly note that this vacancy is valid till position is filled.
Remuneration is highly competitive and well beyond your imaginations.

Email for more information.

Signed
SSS (Single Searching Sista) Management
SSS Management is a relationship management consultancy group involved in selection, recruitment, training , advisory activities and issue management that affect relationships.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

casino

how do you deal with cards,
on a table in a casino at night?
flowing dolce, red nails , long fingers
unknown dealer, the last time i checked he was invincible.
casino packed tight....roulette tables filled out, lights blinking
frenzied mood, jagged nerves, shaking hands waiting to play the cards....
cheers from the blackjack table got me stretching to see, 'its your turn mam..' heard the urgency in my crowd, could feel the dealers presence as i hestitate to play, was waiting for my man...you see been waiting for him to coo in my ears so i can tilt my head backwards and laugh but he's gone.....they are all gone......no one waits for me.
then the tears roll down.....past my lancome Artliner precision point eyeliner, through my sisley mascara, down my l'oreal face to my pumped up rimmel lips down to dolce & gabbana...........................hollow within, waiting, waiting.
I play and i lose, play and lose.....i hear the cheering sounds and shouts of winners all around,i get confused as i look, blank at my cards, curls bobbing my crowd waiting.....then he came walking through the crowd straight to my side, by my side....self consciously i try to straighten my red dress, but its torn and dirty, i'm alarmed and scared as i catch a glimpse of my reflection on a wall mirror.......tear stained eyes, blotted lipstick, tossled hair. I ignore him ,he'll walk straight to her i said, as i concentrate hard on my cards, banishing his image. I try to concentrate, its hard as they lean together and kiss....damn!!! well it ain't my business and i notice this shadow over by my shoulder, lingering and it disappears. i try to stare straight faced...i try as my heart beat rises and my debts piled up in my face!! i'm almost frantic, 'should i hide my debts?' i ask myself, i don't want any mistakes....my thoughts racing, the game moving at each player's pace. I'm sooo gone,far behind. I brace myself as he appears by me, and tilts his head with his mouth in my ears.....'you look wonderful tonight' he says covering the torn side of my dress, i stop, eyes wide open.......what did he just say??? i ask myself as i look away trying to play focus on my cards when my heart is far away...i try hard not to stare,so i take a quick glimpse and like what i see.....the smile, his teeth, the long neck and slim fingers, the gestures and the laugh. got me bad...real bad.... and he turns and catches my eyes and smiles....my heart flutter as i see those big expressive eyes that smile at me. i hear the dealer's voice calling my turn, its faint....so faraway. He nudges me, i smell Herrera, i'm cool and try to remain calm.... 'you've missed you turn a number of times' he said gently brushing his lips to my ears, i could only see him at the casino as all other players faded into oblivion, we where the only ones at the table.

A tilt here and there, nudges and nods brings me back into the full game...am all smiles. we talk and laugh like lost friends, he brushes my face every now and again, just saying quietly and gently how beautiful i look. I blush a thousand times and relax as we share thoughts and express choice. 'its beyond your wears and tears' he says as he holds my hand, dealing his cards purposely and with style. I feel his pain as he hears and talks, our pain combine as our laughter become interwined.
I, you, him we.......'can i change the way you look' he ask gently on his knees....

Raging hormones

there are many things we blame for our attitudes and behaviour. I try as much as possible to take responsibility for the way i act or behave, so last week was a very sick one for me, had tantrums, spells, was depressed , terribly sick and very withdrawn. I thought this was symptoms or signs of malaria initially but became alarmed when things kinda toook a worse turn.....can't describe the way i feel and looked then.....
till tuesday night and i saw the flag....yeah , yeah according to a friend i saw the japanese flag and it all came rushing to me..........the symptoms, the way i felt, my emotions and my mood. My hormones where raging and fighting a battle which sadly i lost, i caved in and crumbled in pieces.
Its called PMS premenstral syndrome, according to Mayo Clinic the signs include, (had all and some thes signs men!scary)
Weight gain from fluid retention
Abdominal bloating
Breast tenderness
Tension or anxiety
Depressed mood
Crying spells
Mood swings and irritability or anger
Appetite changes and food cravings
Trouble falling asleep (insomnia)
Joint or muscle pain
Headache
Fatigue

there are more signs and there's even PMDD, most women with premenstrual syndrome experience only a few of these problems.For some women, the physical pain and emotional stress are severe enough to affect their daily routines and activities. For most of these women, symptoms disappear as the menstrual period begins.
But for some women with premenstrual syndrome, symptoms are so severe they're considered disabling. This form of PMS has its own psychiatric designation — premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). PMDD is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome with symptoms including severe depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty concentrating, irritability and tension. for more information read http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/premenstrual-syndrome


I pity guys sha, what they go through during such periods, its unexpliable and really there are no outright cures. So when you / your gal is feeling the blues, it could just be PMS, a good dose of TLC is a sure miracle worker..

(I'm still taking drugs for the other ailments as prescribed by my doctor, have to finish the dose)

Monday, July 16, 2007

FBW

Had a writers block for a while, didn't know what to write about without saying too much, you know the right exact of information to give out without giving too much..........you understand? well this weekend was fun, the past two weekends have been fun hanging out with the gals!! there's this game we play, just got a name for it this morning, its Fine Boy Watching (FBW) this is when fabulous looking gals notice fine boys aka guys in (public places where there is a high rate of these phenomenon occurring) am not mentioning where. and we analyse, if he's with a gal good we analyse the gal too. if he's single better topic for analysis and the eyes that trail him about. don't ask me what we say, try to make a profile of our fine guy. well never walked up to anyone of them because it would kill the fun of anonymity. that is a great edge and most times they just stare and walk away. i sometimes wonder whats going on through their minds. if you notice a group of fine chics starring at you and talking in hush hush tones and giving you the eye,(The eye is not the come up hither kind, filled with mischief and lust, guys you know what i mean here. Its more like the curious and searching look). what would you do? would you walk away or be bold to step up and say a nice cheery hello and maybe get some introductions?

Friday, July 6, 2007

Broke again?



I'm tired of being broke or having insufficient funds!! i'm very lousy when it comes to saving. i like and love spending, spending spending!! wish the money could just keep flowing in..i need ideas on how to be conservative and save up some of my small change i must confess, there are many get money qucik schemes going round, there's sefteg, club freedom etc where you invest a certain amount within a specific time frame and get some mind blowing returns. was excited about one i heard sometime ago, you put in 33k and invite 2 people and within a certain period you get $6k! later i became sceptical about it as i remembered planwell and the other finance houses that reigned in Benincity a not so long time ago and wrecked quite a number of homes and families. everyone wants to get rich quick and drive the lexus cars and live in mansions in parkview estate, jet at will to any part of the world etc without the sacrifice. well i wouldn't mind as long as i don't have to use my body, scam people or anything illegal or out of the ordinary(occultic, that is another story).
Abi i should use a kolo kolo and save money under my bed? A bank? please....with this atm card craze infact i've been looking for where to hide my atm card and i'll totally forget!! except sha in dire situations...maybe a piggy bank? shares i buy but i like seeing my money and been close to it, you know the knowledge of an easy and fast access to cash gives a feeling of joy.
One thing is sure though, i'm going to be faithful in tithing, don't ask me any question about it because i have no answers to that yet, well lemme face my work and stop day dreaming to keep this source of income.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Short story




The times of my life which I'll never forget was my pre teen years, had so much fun growing up in a family of adults..there's this story I'll never forget, it happened when i was in junior secondary school, this school is somewhere in an Edo village and i was a boarding student. Had so much fun there that it was so sad i had to leave at the end of Junior secondary. This event happened in that school and in the set before me.
Its a short story, it happened so long ago and shows the imaginative mind of a pre teen............
The girl called B in this story does not refer to me.

This story is about an Integrated Science Teacher, Mr. M and a j.s 3 class.
Mr. M wrote the topic for that day on the board and asked,
'who can read the topic on the board?'
as usual, eager students ready to learn shoot their hands up, with cries of
'uncle i! uncle I'
'OK you, Joy read' Mr. M pointed,
Joy standing up joyfully read the phrase 'SIMPLE WINCH'
'who can tell me the meaning of a simple winch' Mr. M. shot back at the class smiling.
The class of eager and noisy girls became quiet.......smiling Mr. M. walked back and forth examining their faces and waiting for the person willing to make an attempt....then a hand shot up, he was surprised and taken aback, 'OK B, what is a simple winch?'

B stood up, with a mischievious grin, 'sir a simple winch is a witch that has not started flying' .


the class erupted in laughter as Mr. M. quietly packed his books and walked out of the class almost dying of laughter!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Steve jobs speech

This is a nice read and puts a perspective on certain things we seem to hold dear in our hearts.
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Monday, July 2, 2007

My reflections through a journey (1)……………


Life’s a journey that we are in, certain things happen for us to learn from and it is a choice to learn or not. Lately I have been learning from lots of my past experiences things that would never be taught in the class or by a mentor. The greatest battle we fight is that of the mind, as a man thinks that what he really his. Words have the creative ability to form or deform you so what words are forming in your heart and coming out of your mouth?

To win in life you must win in yourself, win in your heart or else you’ll be shadow boxing, fighting a wrong battle. Imagine training and fighting the wrong opponent! It’s a wasted effort as strength, time and energy are channeled to the wrong use. We all have been there, I’ve been there and most times we make up excuses why we had to pass through such experiences never admitting our faults and learning from them. Most times we dictate what we want instead of just letting go and trusting, and we end up fighting and using up precious energy on trying to get and keep our own desires instead of what we where created and formed for.

My prayers for you through this journey may we look back and never stay back, putting our past behind and run to the greater glory ahead, may we surpass our past best,moving upward and forward always in what we do. May our hearts be continually filled with love, peace and joy. May we always realize our mistakes, correct and not dwell in them. And if there’s still time to make amends do them without shame if not just let it go because another opportunity will come up and if not careful you would make same mistakes…this darling girlfriend will keep you sane and firm. Believe.

If the message of Jesus Christ and the cross of Christ doesn't change every minute of everyday for the rest of your life you either don't believe it or don't understand. - E.V. Hill