Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Thanksgiving

God has been wonderful and so good to me,
I thank him for my family, the character and
person they've made me to be.
God has blessed my parents and siblings
amazingly this year and i know its just the beginning.

Thank you especially for my elder Brother,
B, he's wonderful and the best.( I understand.)
Thank you Lord that you are remolding him to your desire.

I thank God for my friends, near and far.
I've been blessed with amazing friends.
friends that love me and support me in everything i do.

I thank God for my job and my colleagues.
I thank Him for my upcoming new job
and believe God for a new miracle as i move on.

Thank you for my health.

Thank you for having 2 wonderful neighbours!

Thank you for a roof over my head,
food in my fridge and clothes on my back.

Thank you for provision, every time and on time.

Thank you for the relationships that could never be.
You alone know the reasons and am sincerely Grateful.


Thank you for blog ville.


I thank God for the separation and ongoing dissolution.

for Strength, Faith, Perseverance.


Most of all, I thank God for His continuous Love, Mercy, Kindness,
forgiveness & Grace this past months.

If men where God, I'll be dead by now. Thank You Lord.

Am forever grateful and will continually Praise and Bless YOU.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pieces........and RANTS

I wish I could stare into the skies and see the future,
Or breath in air and hear your thoughts,
Then I’ll be aware and know.



Lately, i have been hovering round depression, feeling like a failed state.
Where waking up in the morning is more like 'i have to' not because i wantto.
I think my big mouth and want for PERFECTION has put me in a deeper dilemma,
tango whatever.
Me and my big mouth, BIG dreams,
Big talk,Big IDEAS,big and PERFECT THINGS I ALWAYS DREAM OF
have put me in BIGGER DILEMMA,EXTRA THOUGHTS AND EXTRA PIMPLES!
yeah am tIED, tIRED, head Filled,
running on thoughts, thoughts and worries.
Am ranting, tired and want to close my eyes, relax, sleep.
maybe quarrel with someone, shout and let all the anger out.
Am ANgry, Vexed sorely.
I think i should dig a hole and SCREAM!! in it. 'loser'
be a drama Queen.
BE InCONsiderate, SelFISH,SelfCENTRED and all 'em self words I hOPE TO INclude Nasty
the conscious devil evil twin in 'em naija flicks.
waatevaaa


many Seconds later....
i don't feel better, i don't feel any better at all.
My PERFECT MIND expects RED ROSES and a Mushy CARD,
mushy Phone call, HEY MAYBE A MUSHY CHEQUE ! A MIRACLE aN eNGagement ring, maybe a PERFECT MAN! a perfect annulment
MIZ PERFECT!!!#^&@@^&*!


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Dreaming on..... (Parts of my childhood) Part 2

Fill in the blank space
12. Yams grow on ………….

Branches
stem
root

Well if you asked my best friend in Junior Secondary the answer to that question she would have picked A, because she had never seen yam plant and that to me it was funny. Okay I have more than enough farm stories, stories like this are usually told by people who grew up in the village but me it was something I experienced in a major Nigerian city, well that’s what I call Benin.

My father worked with the ministry of agriculture and when I was still teeny weenie, (never out grew that teeny weenie stage I must confess) we had large farms in villages close to Benin. I spent a large part of my formative years in Benin. These farms where located in deep forest where you had to clear a part way to get to your destination. Farm days where every other Saturday which I looked forward to and my elder siblings never ever looked happy when my dad announces that the next Saturday was farm day.

In the morning we all will be dressed up in jeans, shirts etc totally covering the whole body and protective boots. Most times we never had a bath because of insects and other harmful things that might be attracted by the smell. The journey most times took up to an hour or 2. We all pile up in the car with my mom sitting in front. Lunch neatly packed in the booth and our cutlasses and hoes, bowls and other things needed for the journey. And at 6 am we are on our way to the farm.
I never understand how my father could find his way through the forest and arrive at our farm. It was just forest, with those large trees, lush green vegetation, crickets chirping sounds and that quiet stillness. Once my elder brother said he saw a monkey! As soon as we arrive work is shared, well very little as workers are already waiting for us. I guess my dad just brought us along to experience nature and learn new things. Soon we all get occupied in exploring with constant warning from my dad or the workers not to stray far. I always stayed with my mum I think, sometimes reading. Those where fun times. There where several farms and the last one was close to home. I even got inspired to start a garden but it was short lived because it entailed lots of work and our stupid neighbor’s dog sometimes made a mess of all my efforts. By 2pm we where on our way back, sharing tales of things we saw. We grew yams, cassava, melons, and corn. We even had a large yam barn at home that sometimes we where forced to sell part of our harvest in market! We sometimes made garri, (it was a tedious and interesting process), had a poultry farm with all kinds of birds, never went in though was and still scared of live chicken. Prefer them fried or barbecued on my plate. We had fun as a family and countless stories and experiences.

Guess my dad was just a village man inward and wanted his children to experience a part of it. Glad I have stories to thrill my children when they are older.

Okay! i know boring story….banging my head on the wall…searching……searching…

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Dreaming on..... (Parts of my childhood)

For now no more love writing for me, if I do please Blog Police should arrest me!!
I'll be writing more of a diary kind of thingy interspaced with a lil creative something (I think!) poem, writeup or verse. Don't get bored and leave your comments!

Parts of my childhood (Part 1)

I’ve always been a dreamer right from childhood, built this dream world around me where I was queen surrounded by her subjects. Maybe it was the influence of books that where scattered round me or the stories from my Parents and older siblings, about their experiences, hobbies, friends and aspirations.
I saw first hand where no dream, wrong dreams, late dream could get you. Had examples all around, still do.
I still dreamt on, some silly, outrageous and stupid and some that still burn a fire deep down in my heart. Looking back I realised that most of my dreams are still in dreamland, pushed far beyond by the hustle and bustle, quest for survival and higher earning power based on the pressures of the society and peers and largely determined by what the society interprete as success.

I remember when I was really young, maybe 7 – 8, I would sneak the keys to one of my elder sister’s room, lock myself in and curl up reading the then Quality and Classique magazine. She just moved in from Ibadan and buying and reading of magazines was her hobby and still is! So she had lots and lots of Nigerian and foreign mags. Classique was my favourite Nigerian Mag and MEE my best and favourite columnist,( she was also a writer, television hostess, had a charity foundation too. in my personal opinion, I guess would compare her writing with Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City without the sexual innuedoes)she was fantastic!
I saw Warri first through her eyes as she captured me with her simple writing that made me fall ih love with her. She was and still is my role model. Her collection of her columns in Quality Magazine and then Classique Magazine was like a bible that I read ever so often. I felt like family when reading about her life or any of the social issues of that period. her signature smile and side gapped tooth was a huge attraction for me and funny enough i have that same side gapped tooth!
Well it was with much sorrow when I heard she died, I was a member of the Press club in my secondary school and suggested her as our Guest in the Annual Press Club day. Unfortunately before we could write the letter we heard she had passed on, a fibroid operation that went wrong. I felt pained and hurt. I remember the Teacher in charge of Press Club consoling me.
She really made a huge impression on me literary and still does. Her writings were fluid, simple and captivating. So sad that she’s been forgotten by many people, if she had been alive maybe she would have been Nigeria’s Oprah Winfrey.I wonder what happened to her Sunshine Foundation and her pretty daughter and younger sister she so fondly wrote about in her columns. Maybe I’ll just google and find out more about them.

Those where the times I discovered African writers like Chinua Achebe, Flora Nwapa, Buchi Emecheta, Amos Tutuola, Wole Soyinka, Okot P’Bitek, Ngugi Wa Thiong , Mariama Ba, Ayi Kwei Armah, Efua Sutherlands,Ferdinard Oyono, Peter Abrahams, Ezekiel Mphalele, so many African authors, novels and books I can’t even remember. My favourite book then was ‘The African Child ‘ by Camara Laye, was captured by a lilttle boy's observation of his surroundings. there where some books I could barely understand at that young age and many filled me with fascination and interest.
I guess that was where my love for writing and words started, my elder brother was also an aspiring playwright at that time so there was a wide array of African dramas and poetry books when growing up. Then i wanted to be a poet, writer, never told anyone when asked about career choice. Felt it ashamed about it kind of i think. Everyone talked about being a doctor, lawyer, engineer and liltle Hopeful could never mention that to her family never! i wonder how i would have been chastised by my parents and family.
Funny how I and my best friend in Primary 4 , 5 would buy small jotters sold for I think a naira then and write up stories. We would challenge ourselves or brain storm a storyline or idea and develop it. i wonder if I can still find my short stories and poems written at such a young age. then I had a dream of becoming a poet and a writer to be reckoned and quoted. There was a lull in senior secondary school because I had to change schools and environment. That trait was forgotten till sometime in university. That was a link that I never understood even while I majored in English Language& Literature in University.


Have a Happy New Month.


(to be continued)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I'll rather die than not try.

Wrote this poem in 2005.

'If you feel you have the reasons to be away from me,
Then suit yourself and leave.
But I’ll be long gone, away far when you return.
You think I’ll wait,
That’s really wrong ,
I’m just moving ahead but with your shadow by my side.

Each morning I pray for you,
Secretly hoping God never hears as He watches my lips move,
But my heart says volumes.
If you hear, you’ll feel the pain I felt
When you walked out with a chunk of me.

I smile when we talk
Or rather my lips twitch as I said’ hello’, By the poolside.

I saw her the other day as you stood,
Uncomfortable as I walked in the Benson’s party,
Quickly, you excused yourself as I danced away with Biyi
To the groovy sound of the night...

I’m leaving on the midnight bus, far away from you,
‘Silly!’ not physically ……..but in my emotions.
I’ll bury you at midnight in the sands of time
Far away from my heart, so that the dust does not choke me
Or my eyes become red.
Although they have been red for several days

Yinka asked what the problem was
I said ‘Apollo’, ‘Ha!’ I could see the disbelief in her eyes,
Even the parrots could tell I lied , I cared less as I’m too proud to say
He left me, ‘that’s weakness! I ain’t weak … and stupid ‘I say to myself as I gather all the cards, pictures and letters,
Saying good bye to your quaint writing, to your lies.

I hope I get a rebirth, as I say the last rites.
Hoping for a grand passage of life with you,

to a life alone.
As the pine tree rustled to the sound of the cool, cold night.

Weave


Braid my hair,
Silky soft hands flow through them,
Just like water pouring, soothing
Let your touch caress the beautiful roots of my long long hair.
Fine, refined, stronger, beautiful,
Woven to the back just like you and your strength.
Your beauty transcends the physical; heart beat makes me sing,
Sitting between those silky, ebony, straight long legs
that stretch far beyond brings naughty imaginations to my head,
Stop! Am distracted as I see you elbows move in rhythm,
As you hum softly to my ears.
My head resting gently on your laps,
Working 9- 5 still taking good care of me,
My beautiful, strong, black woman.

Friday, October 26, 2007

My prayer this morning


Dear God,

Its Hopeful again,

so many things have happened in the last 24 hours even 24 days,

overwhelming and difficult but the thought of you gives me hope.

Please forgive me my sins; I never seem to get too far away from them.

My desire is to be all you want me but sometimes my flesh keeps pulling me back.

So many times I get weak,confused,jealous,selfish, bitter and filled with regrets.

Some times my heart gets filled with hate and anger, dear Lord help me forgive and be able to handle hurt and pain from people some ignorant and give me the ability to handle my emotions and not allow them take over me.

I pray never to hurt or inflict pain on anyone and if done please help ease their pain and give me the the grace to say sorry and apologise for the hurt.

Disappointments please turn them to appointments.

I want so many things in life God, but few are needed, help me make the right distinction/decisions and walk in faith, in my abilities and strength.
Shield me from unnecessary hassles and heartaches, hide me under your shadows, and take away hateful, discouraging and wicked people from my path.


Make me a better friend, sister, aunt to those around me, let them draw strength from my words and life,make me an example, make me more forgiving, loving and discerning.
With each of my faltering steps I pray for your hands to uphold me, strength to keep going on and hope to keep me living. The Hope that dreams come true, desires come alive bringing tears of joy down my face.
Help me be a giver always helping those in need around me. Let me look up to you as my source not man.
I pray to walk daily in your wisdom and knowledge.
Thank you for every experience, for my family and my friends. Situations may make them despair, I pray you help them at that point (and every other point in their life) and cause a change in circumstance for their good. Keep, guide and always surround us with your love.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Friday, October 19, 2007

family issues and thots on running thru my mind......

to find relief all i do is write meaningless sketches called poem, scribble away those raging thoughts when i can't talk to myself. recently its been so hard get biro to paper or just turn on my darling broken bedside partner (my laptop) and write.
Thought it would be that special person but some how there's a deep longing, a want, thirstm yearning in my heart for what i don't know and a large part unoccupied.
I feel fine, satisfied somewhat, okay but that space inside is hard to contend with.

My mum should be back in a couple of weeks, she's been on my back on all the regular you are getting older issues and i really don't look forward to her return or the trip back home. I miss her and all but i wish she could just shut up and try to be understanding,encouraging and supportitive. That would bring much talk and i always always become silent in the midst of all this tirades and act dumb or the fool. My Elder Sister and her crew would join too and it won't be a pleasant time for me. I look forward to seeing my latest niece though, heard she's a lil terrorist, well after her parents long wait , 14 years i think she can be a sweet lil terror to me....lol..i love my family alot and can do anything for them....
i just wish......

Am not depressed, far from it...

Thank God its Friday, look forward to being all over town hopefully rolling with the gals!
Its so much fun!

Have fun this weekend.
Am baking Jam and Honey cake this weekend for my beau!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

ABC'S of Hopeful

decided to do 2 memes , Borrowed this from Nikki

ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Well nothing really fantastic.....okay been able to compile my poems and write ups in my pc, well almost..........
BIRTHDAY: September 28
CONFUSED ABOUT: men, relationships
DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Coke
EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Myself
FAVORITE MUSIC/GROUP/BAND:Rock/R&B, Soul,Blues
GOOD OR NAUGHTY: Angel
HOMETOWN: Igarra, Edo State
INSTRUMENT: Used to play piano waaay back
JOB POSITION: Business/admin
KILLED SOMEONE: Not yet (Lol)
LONGEST CAR RIDE: Abuja to Port Harcourt
MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Plain for me
NUMBER OF PETS: none
ONE WISH: To be a successful poet,writer,lover
PERSON WHO YOU LAST TALKED TO: My assistant
QUIET OR LOUD: extremely quiet
REASONS TO SMILE: God, my family,friends, tomorrow.
SINGLE: .........
TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6.15am
UNDERWEAR: sexy,comfortable, colour coordinated.
VIOLENT: can't hurt a fly
WORST HABIT: Topsy Turvy wardrobe
X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Tooth
YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: other people's dogs
ZODIAC SIGN: Libra

borrowed this similar one from Nyemoni's

Accent: Maybe Naija fone (lol)
Booze: Irish Cream whisky
Chore I Hate: cleaning up, washing plates
Dogs/Cats: None thanks
Essential electronics: TV/RADIO/MUSIC
Favourite Perfume: ELIZABETH ARDEN'S GREEN TEA,
Gold / Silver: GOLD
Hometown: igarra, Edo State
Insomnia: frequent
Job title: Business/ Admin
Kids: None
Living arrangements: MY PALACE!
Most admired trait: Have to ask my friends...
Number of sexual partners: what?
Overnight hospital stays: Typhoid Fever
Phobia: Heights and large expanse of water, aloneophobia
Quote: 'love is many things , its varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure' Maya Angelou
Religion: Christianity
Siblings: 6
Time I usually awake: 6a.mish
Unusual talent: faith
Vegetable I refuse to eat: Juice extracted from ugwu.....
Worst habit: Procrastination,lazy
X-rays: Tooth x ray
Yummy foods I make: Jollof Rice, Egusi, Vegetable soup, sauce, etc
Zodiac sign: Libra

Friday, September 28, 2007

its MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!




its my birthday today and am grateful,thankful to God for my life,my journey,my family and friends.


Please join me in celebrating, cut a slice of cake,pour some champagne and give a toast to this old gal.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

21 words in my head

been MIA for awhile, i guess largely because of no inspiration, muse or reason to write or post anything. well, i decided to borrow this from my friend Jeddax.


for the past month, these are the most frequent 21 words in my head

  1. GOD
  2. CHURCH
  3. MONEY
  4. BUSINESS
  5. N
  6. LOVE
  7. DIVORCE
  8. YANKEE
  9. HOME
  10. MY FAMILY
  11. MONEY (again)
  12. MARRIAGE
  13. FUTURE
  14. YANKEE
  15. SELFREALISATION (i know, i know i cheated)
  16. JOB
  17. FRIENDS
  18. FULFILLMENT
  19. SEX
  20. PHONE
  21. PREGNANCY

To all my blog friends, (as long as you post a comment or read my blog you are my blogfriend), thanks for stopping by and your comments.

Monday, September 3, 2007

September to remember

Hmmmmm, i promise not to be sad or blue, no tears just happy thoughts and happy face.
September 28 i will be 18(i wish).

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Question?

  • At what point do guys fall in love? is it pre or post sex? Why?
  • How important is sex to guys and chics,(you) say on a scale of 1 - 10.

Your comments are very welcome.

Things I HATE!!!

  1. I hate crossing roads, i try to avoid it as much as i can or whenever i do have to cross a road you see me making a 100m dash that FloJo would be envious of.
  2. I hate valentine day....okay i hate not getting gifts on that day or fake ass cheapie stuff especially if am supposed to be dating someone and get the person something totally faboulous, like a fake cheap lying ass broda that called himself boyfriend that got me a generic chocolate that tasted like kuli kuli mixed with choco milo and one kind sosorobia perfume, imagine! and i got him Perry Ellis aftershave set or something really expensive!(shiou**hiss***tsktsk) I want my gift back,i want my gift back i want my perf back, i want it, i want it, i want it.........
  3. I hate bullies! physical, psychological, emotional bullies that try to short circuit a working mind. i get crazy when i think of them.
  4. Being alone sometimes makes me hallucinate..yeah, yeah... Please oh! E jo! Before somebori say that B! is a were, I no be crase person oh! Okay na once in a while I de hallucinate…. Infact na transition into anoda realm of self consciousness, infact read ya dictionary. I know say people de sometime read out of context so emm cool down mama read am well well
  5. okay i hate bikes in lagos,especially those okada men that signed a pact with the devil to at least frighten a soul to the gates of the great beyond even if they can't take you there....crazies
  6. Traffic jam!
  7. someone playing rock music in my jazz!! irks me silly and sometimes i just smile and pretend or act the fool. I ain't wasting my saliva talking back or arguing. Too damn fragile to worry my pretty lil head. LOL. eg when there's no water in my house or my falling apartment, my landlord is a ----.
  8. Falling in love with an a**(figure it out).
  9. Hate living alone….bills, bills, bills.
  10. Hate waiting….waiting for someone, something, anything leaves me edgy.
  11. Hate being broken, I get edgy, irritated and higly withdrawn and upset.
  12. I hate owing, lose hours of fruitful sleep bugging my pretty lil head
  13. well i guess 7 pretty much summarise it all...anything out of sync might just fit in, especially those that brag about the nothing they have, what would Dangote do? Those silly boastful airheads, those filled with hot aired pride and the ITKs (I Too Know)

warraever..........am good

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Last night

was a busy weekend for me,doing an IT course and had to read up for a test, was almost regretting why i took up the course. My head was banging all through the weekend!! It was filled with book!! gosh i no be geek at all at all. Thank God i passed the one i took.

Fear is paralyzing!! with all the stories about robbery attacks on the road, joints and homes. I have never been robbed by gunmen or at gunpoint before, pray never to experience such horrible scene. anyways woke up last night at about 12.30 am to hear gruff 'area boys' voices talking close to my house, usually when i wake up at night i either go back to sleep immediately or watch TV but last night i was frozen on the bed. with my mind spinning different scenarios and yours truly has a very fertile imagination so i was frozen stiff with fear. couldn't even get up as i heard one of them ordering a woman to get into a car, i could hear footsteps, doors banging and all that. i had created escape routes in my mind, quickly i had to wear dress up (yeah yeah i sleep in my birthday suit sometimes, don't want to give any body any ideas) and started praying and confessing all my sins, sins unknown and known, recent and past, ones God had forgiven me and the ones i was not too sure about, sins of commission and omission and all that, and all that plenty plenty things just playing on my mind.
Ha!! fear!! dealt with me seriously and was unable to get a good night sleep, after much prayers and praying for daylight,( this was very rare for me as i hate going to work, would rather pray for a longer night) i finally drifted to sleep.

woke up at 5am and the neighbourhood was extremely quiet. not a sound.
maybe it was my overworked mind playing tricks on me or an explainable situation that escalated to whatever in my mind...whatever excuse i never want to be facing a gun, day time or night time.
Phew..........what a night.

Play misty for me,
by the warm bedside or is it on the floor?
where we play footsie, and I dream on.

Let me move to your beat,
that weakness that leaves me beat.
thrusting gently, you make me speak.

body talk, i listen as we communicate
side by side
never to the limits,

we play safe,
sure and want,
you and i.

maybe's just maybe's.

let's enjoy the moment.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Touching your bald head...
looking in those small eyes that speak volumes,
your silence inscribes depth somewhere.....

so you say
truths unfold in plain sight,
you and me
tangled deep within

am not yet free,
believe in me.

secret is your voice turns me,
you laugh. those lips.
soft touch.

thoughts.

Tranquil

i have been in a state of tranquility,
since the door hit your behind.

now am laid back feeling the flow.
JOY became you when you left.

with all your drama and theatrics,
leaving Brad bedazzled.

when you realise....
I'll be long gone.....maybe in the arms of the camelman.

trANquil. peacefUL. rocking the Northern storm.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Clocks

was thinking how time flies, how so much happens in a twinkle of an eye....
coldplay's clocks was playing in my head as i saw time racing by through your eyes.
i see you and say hello,
you say goodbye and disappear separated by time,
tick i move slowly while you gain years ahead of me,
sluggishly i creep to try to be with you but you fastforward
leaving me again behind.

Through your eyes,
the clocks tick tock, tick tock
as i click my heels waiting for the wizard of Oz.
counting 1,2
clinking shoes, shut eyes

there is no place like home.....

Cure for Boredom

i'm BORED!!!!!!!!!
infact i just realise that i'm always bored, going through same mundane daily tasks, nothing spiffy or interesting happening. My daily schedule is same day in day out!!
wake up in the morning between 5.30am - 6am, drag myself out of bed by 6.30 and am off to work at 7.15am get home between 5pm - 7pm watch teevee, gist with my friend and sleep...everyday of the week same same same routine. Sometimes i feel like i'll loose it, just flip. There are no extraordinary challenges in the office, everything is just same.

i always complain about being bored and all that and keep wondering what i could do to change it. For starters i would like to make more friends and meet more people. That would be fun thing to do. I just realised that i'm more of a closet kind of person with very few friends.

it just difficult making friends at an old age, sometimes i wish i was much younger and more daring. anyways..................laters

Monday, July 30, 2007

Baggage and Experience?

Had a busy weekend and met up with an old friend after a long break in communication. He talked about an old girlfriend and was reminiscing back in the day when they where dating and she had no baggage relationship wise and how it was the perfect relationship with the perfect girl and he just missed it....I almost asked what he meant by that, when he started talking about age and experience and all that and all that....................................

What really do we call baggage in a relationship and what do we call experience?

Friday, July 27, 2007

Miszy

tears in my eyes,
pain in my heart,
countless ablutions, no respite.
i still see them walking free, and i am on a scale
weighed down, immobile......


'Help!!' i cry out
He's taken my life and i'm almost wiped out....
the rain floods are wiping tracks of me in memories.
i rove, i move, distance not covered.
He's free and happy while libra holds me tight.

Huge mistake...no correction in sight.
Misgivings play in my head,
Hope is her middle name and she held me tight,
as the tears flooded the house where pain resides...

Mistang, sung in the prayer,
upside down....torn in dear.
its me Miszy again
singing same damn tune



“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” 1 John 4 : 18

I wonder when........

i want to know how it feels to wake up beside you every morning
with no fears that you'll be gone.............
how it feels to fool myself and still you remain and stay with me,
i wonder when I'll hear your voice in and out of time,
i wonder when I'll get that feeling, of being needed, or wanting you and you are right on time.
when there will be no pretense or cover ups....just you and me, me and you.
I wonder when you'll touch my tears and when I'll smoothen those frown lines....when you'll drive and I'll be asleep by your side not knowing where we are.... how it feels to hear your voice at night saying 'despite and in spite of ...i still want you...'
i long to be in your company always....in my mind and in my heart
knowing i'm always in yours too. to feel your touch...a part of me....a piece of your heart...the look in your eyes....the i'll never leave you...my heartbeat......talks...joys...sharing....help...
i wonder when love would be a permanent reality....

Friday, July 20, 2007

MANAGEMENT PARTNER AKA BOYFRIEND NEEDED

Our Client, A beautiful chic residing somewhere in Nigeria would like the FULL TIME services of a Management Partner aka BOYFRIEND.

A Christian , Handsome or good to look at, dark, Nigerian Man preferably and not less than 5'10 inches,single (divorcees or widowers can also apply), slim built, fun, happy, dynamic, confident person with good character , works hard, earns doubley hard. Excellent communication skills and diplomatic views are highly needed. Men thinking of changing their single status soon are highly encouraged to apply.

You must have been in previous relationships in the past, age should between 28 - 38 years . Applicants should apply in writing to hopefulb@gmail.com, kindly enclose your cv, pictures and any other relevant supporting documents that you believe would improve your chances. All CURRENT AND UNREPENTANT PLAYAS are discouraged from applying.

Kindly note that this vacancy is valid till position is filled.
Remuneration is highly competitive and well beyond your imaginations.

Email for more information.

Signed
SSS (Single Searching Sista) Management
SSS Management is a relationship management consultancy group involved in selection, recruitment, training , advisory activities and issue management that affect relationships.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

casino

how do you deal with cards,
on a table in a casino at night?
flowing dolce, red nails , long fingers
unknown dealer, the last time i checked he was invincible.
casino packed tight....roulette tables filled out, lights blinking
frenzied mood, jagged nerves, shaking hands waiting to play the cards....
cheers from the blackjack table got me stretching to see, 'its your turn mam..' heard the urgency in my crowd, could feel the dealers presence as i hestitate to play, was waiting for my man...you see been waiting for him to coo in my ears so i can tilt my head backwards and laugh but he's gone.....they are all gone......no one waits for me.
then the tears roll down.....past my lancome Artliner precision point eyeliner, through my sisley mascara, down my l'oreal face to my pumped up rimmel lips down to dolce & gabbana...........................hollow within, waiting, waiting.
I play and i lose, play and lose.....i hear the cheering sounds and shouts of winners all around,i get confused as i look, blank at my cards, curls bobbing my crowd waiting.....then he came walking through the crowd straight to my side, by my side....self consciously i try to straighten my red dress, but its torn and dirty, i'm alarmed and scared as i catch a glimpse of my reflection on a wall mirror.......tear stained eyes, blotted lipstick, tossled hair. I ignore him ,he'll walk straight to her i said, as i concentrate hard on my cards, banishing his image. I try to concentrate, its hard as they lean together and kiss....damn!!! well it ain't my business and i notice this shadow over by my shoulder, lingering and it disappears. i try to stare straight faced...i try as my heart beat rises and my debts piled up in my face!! i'm almost frantic, 'should i hide my debts?' i ask myself, i don't want any mistakes....my thoughts racing, the game moving at each player's pace. I'm sooo gone,far behind. I brace myself as he appears by me, and tilts his head with his mouth in my ears.....'you look wonderful tonight' he says covering the torn side of my dress, i stop, eyes wide open.......what did he just say??? i ask myself as i look away trying to play focus on my cards when my heart is far away...i try hard not to stare,so i take a quick glimpse and like what i see.....the smile, his teeth, the long neck and slim fingers, the gestures and the laugh. got me bad...real bad.... and he turns and catches my eyes and smiles....my heart flutter as i see those big expressive eyes that smile at me. i hear the dealer's voice calling my turn, its faint....so faraway. He nudges me, i smell Herrera, i'm cool and try to remain calm.... 'you've missed you turn a number of times' he said gently brushing his lips to my ears, i could only see him at the casino as all other players faded into oblivion, we where the only ones at the table.

A tilt here and there, nudges and nods brings me back into the full game...am all smiles. we talk and laugh like lost friends, he brushes my face every now and again, just saying quietly and gently how beautiful i look. I blush a thousand times and relax as we share thoughts and express choice. 'its beyond your wears and tears' he says as he holds my hand, dealing his cards purposely and with style. I feel his pain as he hears and talks, our pain combine as our laughter become interwined.
I, you, him we.......'can i change the way you look' he ask gently on his knees....

Raging hormones

there are many things we blame for our attitudes and behaviour. I try as much as possible to take responsibility for the way i act or behave, so last week was a very sick one for me, had tantrums, spells, was depressed , terribly sick and very withdrawn. I thought this was symptoms or signs of malaria initially but became alarmed when things kinda toook a worse turn.....can't describe the way i feel and looked then.....
till tuesday night and i saw the flag....yeah , yeah according to a friend i saw the japanese flag and it all came rushing to me..........the symptoms, the way i felt, my emotions and my mood. My hormones where raging and fighting a battle which sadly i lost, i caved in and crumbled in pieces.
Its called PMS premenstral syndrome, according to Mayo Clinic the signs include, (had all and some thes signs men!scary)
Weight gain from fluid retention
Abdominal bloating
Breast tenderness
Tension or anxiety
Depressed mood
Crying spells
Mood swings and irritability or anger
Appetite changes and food cravings
Trouble falling asleep (insomnia)
Joint or muscle pain
Headache
Fatigue

there are more signs and there's even PMDD, most women with premenstrual syndrome experience only a few of these problems.For some women, the physical pain and emotional stress are severe enough to affect their daily routines and activities. For most of these women, symptoms disappear as the menstrual period begins.
But for some women with premenstrual syndrome, symptoms are so severe they're considered disabling. This form of PMS has its own psychiatric designation — premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). PMDD is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome with symptoms including severe depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty concentrating, irritability and tension. for more information read http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/premenstrual-syndrome


I pity guys sha, what they go through during such periods, its unexpliable and really there are no outright cures. So when you / your gal is feeling the blues, it could just be PMS, a good dose of TLC is a sure miracle worker..

(I'm still taking drugs for the other ailments as prescribed by my doctor, have to finish the dose)

Monday, July 16, 2007

FBW

Had a writers block for a while, didn't know what to write about without saying too much, you know the right exact of information to give out without giving too much..........you understand? well this weekend was fun, the past two weekends have been fun hanging out with the gals!! there's this game we play, just got a name for it this morning, its Fine Boy Watching (FBW) this is when fabulous looking gals notice fine boys aka guys in (public places where there is a high rate of these phenomenon occurring) am not mentioning where. and we analyse, if he's with a gal good we analyse the gal too. if he's single better topic for analysis and the eyes that trail him about. don't ask me what we say, try to make a profile of our fine guy. well never walked up to anyone of them because it would kill the fun of anonymity. that is a great edge and most times they just stare and walk away. i sometimes wonder whats going on through their minds. if you notice a group of fine chics starring at you and talking in hush hush tones and giving you the eye,(The eye is not the come up hither kind, filled with mischief and lust, guys you know what i mean here. Its more like the curious and searching look). what would you do? would you walk away or be bold to step up and say a nice cheery hello and maybe get some introductions?

Friday, July 6, 2007

Broke again?



I'm tired of being broke or having insufficient funds!! i'm very lousy when it comes to saving. i like and love spending, spending spending!! wish the money could just keep flowing in..i need ideas on how to be conservative and save up some of my small change i must confess, there are many get money qucik schemes going round, there's sefteg, club freedom etc where you invest a certain amount within a specific time frame and get some mind blowing returns. was excited about one i heard sometime ago, you put in 33k and invite 2 people and within a certain period you get $6k! later i became sceptical about it as i remembered planwell and the other finance houses that reigned in Benincity a not so long time ago and wrecked quite a number of homes and families. everyone wants to get rich quick and drive the lexus cars and live in mansions in parkview estate, jet at will to any part of the world etc without the sacrifice. well i wouldn't mind as long as i don't have to use my body, scam people or anything illegal or out of the ordinary(occultic, that is another story).
Abi i should use a kolo kolo and save money under my bed? A bank? please....with this atm card craze infact i've been looking for where to hide my atm card and i'll totally forget!! except sha in dire situations...maybe a piggy bank? shares i buy but i like seeing my money and been close to it, you know the knowledge of an easy and fast access to cash gives a feeling of joy.
One thing is sure though, i'm going to be faithful in tithing, don't ask me any question about it because i have no answers to that yet, well lemme face my work and stop day dreaming to keep this source of income.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Short story




The times of my life which I'll never forget was my pre teen years, had so much fun growing up in a family of adults..there's this story I'll never forget, it happened when i was in junior secondary school, this school is somewhere in an Edo village and i was a boarding student. Had so much fun there that it was so sad i had to leave at the end of Junior secondary. This event happened in that school and in the set before me.
Its a short story, it happened so long ago and shows the imaginative mind of a pre teen............
The girl called B in this story does not refer to me.

This story is about an Integrated Science Teacher, Mr. M and a j.s 3 class.
Mr. M wrote the topic for that day on the board and asked,
'who can read the topic on the board?'
as usual, eager students ready to learn shoot their hands up, with cries of
'uncle i! uncle I'
'OK you, Joy read' Mr. M pointed,
Joy standing up joyfully read the phrase 'SIMPLE WINCH'
'who can tell me the meaning of a simple winch' Mr. M. shot back at the class smiling.
The class of eager and noisy girls became quiet.......smiling Mr. M. walked back and forth examining their faces and waiting for the person willing to make an attempt....then a hand shot up, he was surprised and taken aback, 'OK B, what is a simple winch?'

B stood up, with a mischievious grin, 'sir a simple winch is a witch that has not started flying' .


the class erupted in laughter as Mr. M. quietly packed his books and walked out of the class almost dying of laughter!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Steve jobs speech

This is a nice read and puts a perspective on certain things we seem to hold dear in our hearts.
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Monday, July 2, 2007

My reflections through a journey (1)……………


Life’s a journey that we are in, certain things happen for us to learn from and it is a choice to learn or not. Lately I have been learning from lots of my past experiences things that would never be taught in the class or by a mentor. The greatest battle we fight is that of the mind, as a man thinks that what he really his. Words have the creative ability to form or deform you so what words are forming in your heart and coming out of your mouth?

To win in life you must win in yourself, win in your heart or else you’ll be shadow boxing, fighting a wrong battle. Imagine training and fighting the wrong opponent! It’s a wasted effort as strength, time and energy are channeled to the wrong use. We all have been there, I’ve been there and most times we make up excuses why we had to pass through such experiences never admitting our faults and learning from them. Most times we dictate what we want instead of just letting go and trusting, and we end up fighting and using up precious energy on trying to get and keep our own desires instead of what we where created and formed for.

My prayers for you through this journey may we look back and never stay back, putting our past behind and run to the greater glory ahead, may we surpass our past best,moving upward and forward always in what we do. May our hearts be continually filled with love, peace and joy. May we always realize our mistakes, correct and not dwell in them. And if there’s still time to make amends do them without shame if not just let it go because another opportunity will come up and if not careful you would make same mistakes…this darling girlfriend will keep you sane and firm. Believe.

If the message of Jesus Christ and the cross of Christ doesn't change every minute of everyday for the rest of your life you either don't believe it or don't understand. - E.V. Hill

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Pieces and bits














i jUst wANna do SOmethiNg DifeRRent, BoRED stIFFFFFF............


ijuswuldlike to travelsomewherefaraway and experiencesomethingdifferent,shoptillidropreadtillisleep,dancetillifall,beeverywhere,eatnewcuisineseenewfacesmeetnewpeoplemakenewfriends,loveandbe heldclosely,carrymynewniece,laughwithmysistersandbrothersdodifferentfromdailylifeihavelivedfortwentysevenyearsifyoucanreadthisthenyouneedapsychaitristbecauseyoumustbecrazy!!!wellnobecursebecauseimustbeonetowritethis.ijuswannabfree

Random questions and answers part 1

1.What time did you get up this morning?
well woke up first at 4am, 5.45 am and finally 7am.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds are a girls best friend!

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
(Hiss) Pirates of the Carribeans 3, I want my money back!!!!!

4. What is your favorite TV show?
E don tai wey i watch television oh..........

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Sandwich and coffee............

6. What is your middle name?
Guess i would say 'ful' as in Hopeful........

7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal?
Men..........i de eat anything as long as its sweet and tasty

8. What foods do you dislike?
Anything not sweet and tasty, like last night's chicken...nikki take note....anyways i almost finish am sha...

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
Na wa oh!!! must i repeat myself about food? hmmmm

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
weeellll Best of creed and three doors down that's what i listen to most times in office

11. What kind of car do you drive?
BLegW 1 Series with customized for Hopeful B!!

12. Favorite sandwich?
aGAIN!!!! Una too like food

13. What characteristics do you despise?
Playa haters

14. Favorite item of clothing?
its this tube top i have that i have virtually worn out all the time my sweet neighbour i guess is tired of seeing me in it....................

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Seychelles

16. What color is your bathroom?
Mix of white and pink (House dat K built)

17. Favorite brand of clothing?
Anything nice and comfy

18. Where would you want to retire?
Na nAIja na..............

19. Favorite time of day?
Evenings

20. Where were you born?
Benin city
21. Favorite sport(s) to watch?
Football and that's when Nigeria is playing a qualifying match

22. Who do you least expect to respond to this? you?

23. Person you expect to respond first? you ?

24. What laundry scent do you use?
a le le yi? wat is the meaning of it

25. Coke or Pepsi?COKE baby!!!

.26. Are you a morning person or night owl? it depends

27. What size shoe do you wear? I think am a size 5

28. Do you have pets?NO

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?None

30. What did you want to be when you were little?Actress or teacher

31. Favorite Candy Bar?Nil

32. What is your best childhood memory?Playing with my bestfriend S

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
hmmm, teacher, secretary, executive assistant, bus/admin assistant, personal assistant

34. What color/type underwear are you wearing?Black and grey

35.Nicknames:Smallie .....thats my bros name for me

36. Piercings?yeah on both ears

37. Eye color?black

38a) Ever been to Africa?
I live in naija

38b) Ever been to South Australia?No

39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling?wetin e bi?

40. Love someone so much it made you cry? Maybe....

41. Been in a car accident?No thank God ok okada accident sha dat got me limping for a while

42. Croutons or bacon bits?o gan oh wetin be all this food sonthin?

43.Favorite day of the week?Thank God its Friiiiiiday e....

44. Favorite restaurant? Chicken Republic Adeola Odeku

45. Favorite flower?Roses

46. Favorite ice cream? All kinds of Icecream as long as its sweet...must i repeat again??

.47. How many times did you fail your driver's test?for naija abi na lagos..

48. What color is your bedroom carpet?Green

49. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Ha for where na? e no fit happen for naija abi na eko

50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email?chei beads and something sha

51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card?
Abeg na Alade Market anytime and Dubai

52. What do you do most often when you are bored?
Write , listen to music or call up family or friends

53. Bedtime? No specifics sometimes 9pm lately 11 - 12pm

54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? you

55. Last person you went to dinner with?
e don tay.........long time i can't even remember

56. What are you listening to right now?
Rihanna Umbrella.....baby u stay under my umbrella

57. What is your favorite color?Green and bright colours for now, Love my blues

58. Lake, Ocean or river?Ocean.

59. How many tattoos do you have?None.

60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?It depends on how you look at it...............

Tuesday, June 26, 2007




Never liked catfish so when my darling neighbour decided to buy it on Sunday afternoon i was pretty sceptical and the owner of the fish store gave me one for free to try with directions on how to clean and what best to cook it with. we cooked up a storm , and it really tastes good. Different from the taste you get from bukas (both high and low end). I believe it has to do with cleaning.
There's this onion stew recipe i concocted, well it taste great with pepper soup spices and the catfish was a major plus! will post the recipe soon and you can try it with a wide variety of staple food.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Pls note on Ramblings................

Dear All, kindly note that in my post titled ramblings, just talking about relationships in general and its an overview of past relationships. Not in any form targetted to anyone but for everyone. so please don't crucify me but think about what i said and make your comments known. Haven't called anyone any name, if i want to i do that directly not in a round about way.

Thank you.

I read this on www.maximumimpact.com, it was a review of a book ‘ Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die’ By Chip Heath and Dan Heath (Random House, 2007) , the reviewer had this to say about the book, ‘Much of Made to Stick is devoted to breaking the Curse of Knowledge—described by the authors as our natural tendency to forget that the knowledge we possess is not common to everybody. We automatically assume everyone knows the same things we do. When we fall prey to the Curse of Knowledge, we phrase ideas as they exist in our own mind instead of expressing them in a way that appeals to the minds of others. The Curse of Knowledge leads us to abstraction and separates us from our audience.’ This really got me thinking , I hope to get this book soon.

More quotes
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”
~ Dale Carnegie
Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.
~ Roger Crawford

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Ramblings...........................

it was a long last week, things just decided to happen all at once, there was a nation wide strike which lasted three days (still went to the office though) and there was the matters of the heart. I have to announce with sadness that I ain’t miz boo no more, the duration of the relationship was a record 3 days, i experienced something new during that period and it really got me thinking about all this relationships and how much you should tell about your past and how much of the past should you allow into your relationship.
We are all products today of yesterday and we can change tomorrow by what we do today, so that means if yesterday was tearful and sad,I have the chance of deflecting on that today and making this day the best. Well some people believe otherwise.
I think I’ve grown stronger in my heart these last few days and more determined. More determined not to let my past hurts, foolishness dictate what I am, to trust more in God, put all my faith in him. Because when rejection comes because of what you did in the past not because of who you are now it can be hurtful, painful. In relationship where there is no total acceptance, belief in the present and hope for the future then everything is just a game.
Falling in love is a decision, being with someone is a decision, wanting to remain is a decision.
We all get to that point when it’s not the physical attraction that matters, but the decision to stay no matter what or despite this or that, that’s most important. And it takes two to make that or come to that decision, not you alone because if you do you’ll just be living a fantasy, hurting yourself badly.
Let’s stop being hypocrites; we have all been through the similar experience although they weren' t same or same number but we elicited same feelings, we handle things differently but there should be a point of understanding, a place where there’s sync, a mesh where all comes together. Those different strands are our personalities, our experiences, our past, hurts, triumphs everything interwoven together to make a fine pattern of colors, a beauty to behold or a show a confused and scattered form. Its your choice to make.
We are not scientific experiments, we are not even experiments just people searching for something that matters most in our hearts, sometimes it takes several heart breaks and pain to find that true one, sometimes just one try and sometimes we never find it. But one thing for sure leave your past behind, its pattern and look for the jinx breaker, the person could be right under your nose or anywhere in the world that pushes you far from yesterday more into today and eternally to a new future, when you hear their voice and see their eyes you see yourself whole. its not all about promises, we all make and break them , its about inner knowledgge , a witness deep down that brings that soothing calm deep in your soul..

Well some ramblings on a Monday morning……………………

This song by Donnie Mcclurkin somehow got me through last week, really meditated on the words of this song this weekend...........

What do you do when you've done all you can
And it seems like it's never enough?
And what do you say when your friends turn away, you're all alone?
Tell me, what do you give
When you've given your all, and seems like you can't make it through?
Stand and be sure Be not entangled in that bondage again
You just stand, and be sure.
God has a purpose.
Yes, God has a plan.
Tell me what do you do when you've done all you can
And it seems like you can't make it through
Child you just stand You just stand Stand
Don't you give up
Through the storm , through the rain T
hrough the hurt , through the pain Well, you just stand
When there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can You just stand
Don't you bow, don't bend Don't give up, don't give in
Hold on, just be strong God will step in and it won't be long
Tell me, how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile when your heart is broken and filled with pain?
Tell me what do you give when you've given your all
Seems like you can't make it through?
After you've done all you can
After you've gone through the hurt
After you've gone through the pain
After you've gone through the storm
After you've gone through the rain
Prayed and cried,you've prayed and cried
Prayed and cried, prayed and cried
After you've done all you can,
you just stand.
Child you just stand,
when there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can
You just stand.


N/B

Just to tell a great friend Happy belated Birthday, funny how I sent Birthday greeting weeks before the actual date and I never forgot, just got side lined by certain events. Happy Birthday Akin, I wish you all the best you ever can wish for.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Scissors

sometimes we do things out of fear, out of uncertainty,
the way she moved slightly as she saw him storming towards her, his eyes red.
It was just a phone call from a friend, she thought silently quivering inside as she clenched her teeth tightly, yeah a male friend was the thought that swirled round her head,
he grabbed her and shook her almost breaking her fragile neck,
his breath covered her as his arms meant to protect held her delicate neck ,
she could see his eyes, could hear his voice, his crazy mutterings and her breathing.
Yeah, thank God she was alive and her neck hasn't snapped yet,
his roughness made her cringe,
suddenly he threw her on the bed,
she moved an inch away when he held her legs apart, like scissors,
like a prostitute she felt ashamed at the man who professed his love to her publicly,
her would be her protector.
unable to find her voice she laid down silent,
as his mutterings became a tirade,
she laid down waiting for it to stop, she could never fight it , he was his god.
then his tears came rolling down ,
pleading for forgiveness, claiming justification from God, circumstance, man.................
all she could do was shake her head in defeat,
his words ricochet in her mind ,
in her memory they painted a picture of a street stranger.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Miz Boo

Finally my peeps, I'm officially Miz Boo and it feels so cool,
here's to you Fabulous, to fabulous times ahead.



Its a whole new experience for me, can't explain it but i feel something deep inside that made me willing to move beyond my normal sphere of thought and feeling and want for familiarity because it has never gotten me anywhere and maybe lately it would have been a different story....................(please don't ask me what i mean) but it came in a tad late. So here i am not minding the distance, not minding crazy thoughts running through my mind of pending doom( remember chicken lil?), so i decide to let go and let God.



So baby, forgive me whenever i hesitate, or try to be stubborn or procrastinate or be just evasive. i guess its just me, has nothing to do with the past.


Wishing us great times filled with memorable funny, fun and never to forget events.



Friday, June 15, 2007

i feel really moody and down, supposed to be all over the moon but someone just decided to pour san - san in my garri, to play rock and roll in my r n b. hmm......this life you can never please nobody not even yourself......sometimes i get the feeling it would be nice up there with the G man checking out the mortals below, you know sipping on some wine and generally having a good time while mortals hustle and flow through the day. where i am at right now i don't know can't even move, immobile as my legs feel so numb my heartbeat with trepidation as i stare at this crossroads made up of multiple roads, millions rushing by as i stand still. Its not in the question, maybe in the attitude or the after but definitely not commitment, not you all me. there is this hot chill that runs through me at certain times, spreads through my hands down my feet.......
they say I'm a master of confused communication,they say i prefer the long road of expression rather than being direct, I'm just protecting myself, i ain't confused!! love the long road of the grammatical expression, its paintings and the murals that light up or color me down. I make no excuses only detours to my own privacy and heart home. my heart beats in quick succession because of because...............of you 2. Don't ask me......sort me

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

June 12

Hmmm.....this is one of my favourite words,i use it most times when I'm trying to figure out things to say and how to say it. I have been caught so many times thinking like this and told to be spontaneous rather than dishing out text book speech lines....you know
anyways....... i miss writing my blog,i miss writing lately, i don't know if its laziness,lack of inspiration, lack of motivation or just plain avoidance of spilling my life on the net. Yesterday was June 12 and its a significant day in the struggle for Nigerian democracy. it was a public holiday and went out last night with a group of friends, was supposed to watch a movie and just generally relax but ended spending close to 3 hours in traffic due to one of my friend's knowledge..don't ask me cos it cost me 3 hours of sitting in a humid taxi regretting why i ventured out of my little palace,ended up drinking to mask my feelings because i was to say the least disappointed and there are certain people that i give the liberty of knowing me when I'm upset,i didn't want to show it. just needed to calm down and enjoy the rest of the evening.
QUESTION
do guys really like girls that play hard to get? i mean what is the point of playing hard to get when you really dig someone and think things might just work out? When are guys comfortable in a relationship? when they are comfortable do they take things (feelings et al) for granted?What is trust and belief? Do you believe a guy and not trust him, how is that possible? especially when you are looking towards moving beyond the level of friendship? these are thoughts someone put in my little mind, and i wonder.....

Friday, June 8, 2007

finally!!!!!!!!!!!! im back in blog world!!! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hurray!!!!!!!
got plenty, plenty gist........i know where to start.......yeah right i can see your interest increasing......amebo!!

Friday, June 1, 2007

Hmmmm

Hmmm, I’m in a kinda spot, I’m supposed to do something , I mean write something nice and sweet to (or is it for ?this grammer thing sef) someone but my mind is just blank, no idea whatsoever is coming to my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a hopeless romantic and really like all that mushy mushy stuff but my ideaology is why start what you can’t end? So I tend to be very careful with my emotions and watch, well that too has never gotten me any where. Do I regret it? No way, rather I’ve learnt from those experiences and somehow hope for something / someone better.
That’s the kind of situation i think am in, torn between keeping my composure and being all ladylike and letting go, got this nagging thought somewhere in my mind, what if’s keep circling my head as it reverberates in my ears. Yeah, I know I’m balled over by your voice, thoughtfulness and nice, caring words, somehow there is a kinda connection or should I call it voice attraction but what if?
I’m hopeful of one thing though, that I’ll be a good friend, one that appreciates good communications and respect. I think that everyone deserves a chance to make a difference; I hope to make a slight / significant difference somehow in my own little B way. Then I think anything can take off from there, I’m still sitting on the fence and viewing stuff . Things like this make me all thoughtful and maybe philosophical as I most times become scared and cringe inside, I hate being in this spot because of fear of decisions to be made which could either go right or wrong, most times I wish I could see the future and know exactly what to expect or maybe wake up one morning and find myself living my dreams but well, its one hurdle we all have to cross someday. You know what? I think I rationalize and plan too much!! So this is for you, Fabulous!


N/B
hope you don’t mind me calling you Fabulous, although we’ve spoken for a coupla days, I hope you remain a fabulous friend or else Big Brother will come get you!! (Just couldn’t resist slipping a threat :).
June 2, 2007 is my coz wedding, wishing him and his wifey marital bliss.
Hello to a good friend O, thanks for reading my blog and your nice comments!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

my 92 silly questions

just thought about questions, and have been on question seat recently...

1. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Any flavor would do just fine thank you!
2. What was the last thing you ate? Moin – Moin
3. What CD is in your CD player right now? Three doors down
4. How many keys are on your key ring? It depends, got office bunch which has 14 keys and house bunch which has 2 keys
5. How much money do you have in your wallet? Well, well, well nothing!!!
6. List two bad habits that you have. Now tell me which one you would be willing to give up first. Can’t think of anything right now………..
7. What spice or seasoning is your favorite? Which one can you add to anything and make it taste better? That would be curry, I love the smell….
8. What's your birthstone? Would you change it? Sapphire and no way…I love its sparkle
9. If you had one day to live, what would you do? Pray more communicate my love to my family and friends and ask forgiveness from those I have hurt.
10. Do you know what your name means? It means humans are greater than material things (I think)…
11. What color is your room? Creamy
12. Do you give your pet’s birthday and Christmas presents? For what na??
13. Men - what color fingernail polish do you prefer for your women? Women - What color polish do you most often wear? I prefer polish in nude, earthy tones.
14. Think about this for a second - When you fasten your pants do you button first of zip first, I think I zip up first
15. Which of the following characteristics would you rather have? You can only choose one. Nice Exciting Loving Hot. Exciting
16. If I asked every person that you've kissed, they'd say that your kisses are tentative, wild, intense, or sweet? I think intense (lol)
17. Do you kiss on the first date? - Of course, Not usually, Depends, or only- of course not!!
18. When your plate has different foods on it do you usually mix all the foods together, keep them all separate, or do you combine only certain foods? I only mix certain foods……not that adventurous...
19. When you have food cravings, is it usually for something sweet, salty, greasy, or creamy? Definitely something very very sweet.
20. Have you ever snooped in your significant others things? If so, would you do it again? Yes, at times when curiosity got the better part of me and yeah I would do it again if there’s cause for it, you will be shocked at what you see!! And I’m sure I’ve been snooped on before
21. Describe your morning ritual to me – getting out of bed is enough ritual
22. You're stuck in an airport, what paper do you turn to for the news? My Truelove ok it’s a mag and I love it
23. You run in to a friend while out shopping. Where are you? Its got to be Tejuosho market or Balogun
34. What is your favorite breakfast cereal? Men, anything I feel like eating at that particular point in time
35. Would you rather be richer than anyone, better than everyone, or less encumbered by responsibility. I chose RICH anytime any day…..
36. If there were no consequences, would you rather eat and drink as much as want, sleep with whomever you want, or yell and fight as much as you want? I would eat and drink whatever I want (lol)
37 When you fall asleep are you usually on your side, your stomach, or your back? Do you sleep on the right or left side of the bed? I usually fall asleep on my side; I sleep on the left side usually of my bed.
38. Which of the following would your friends say you are? Shy Clumsy Pessimistic Behind the times – I think shy
39. If there was an extra hour in the day, what would you spend it doing? Reading
40. When you have a deadline do you get started right away, wait until the
Last minute, or switch back and forth between projects? Switch back and forth between projects
41. Which do you prefer? The dentist or the eye doctor? Eye doc anyway…..
42. If you could hire one of the following, which would it be? Driver Chef Maid Stylist – it would be a driver in this crazy. Chaotic city
43. Can you play a musical instrument? If so, which one? Not even to save my life!!!
44.
What is your shoe size? 5
45. What is your blood type? How many of you don't know your blood type? Well, which is that exactly now….AS, O+
46. When flying, do you prefer the window seat, middle seat, or aisle seat? Middle seat
47. What is your favorite number? 7
48. Do you sing in the shower? If so, are you any good? Yeah, I guess so, nobody has complained
49. If you could be any animal what would you be? Queen of the jungle, Lioness
50. What movie have you watched the most? Well………..thinking
51. What is your favorite drink, alcoholic or non alcoholic? Non alcoholic
52. If you could adopt one wild animal, what would it be? Why? So I can be eaten in my house? No way……..
53. If you could have any car in the world, what would it be? BMW 1 series I love that baby……………
54. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I love the color blue
55. If you were going to a remote place and could only take one CD with you- that would be Mary J. Blige – the Breakthrough or Brian McKnight’s – Super Hero
56. Would you rather miss the beginning or the end of a movie? If you had to? The beginning.
57. Which do you dislike more? Pop-up ads or spam e-mail? Pop up ads.
58. Which is worse? Someone snoring right next to you on a plane or a baby crying right next to you on a plane – baby crying
59. Which is worse? Being in a place that is too loud or too quiet? Too loud!!!
60. Which would be worse? Being made to eat bugs or drink sour milk? Why suffer myself?
61. Which would be worse? Someone tickling you or biting you? Biting is definitely worse!
62. Which would be worse? Your roommate eating all the food or wearing your clothes? Eating all my foood
63. Which would be worse? Bleeding to death or starving to death? Starving to death, ehwww
64. Which is worse? Being under age or being over the hill? No offence ma, over the hillll
65.Which would be worse? Being stuck in an elevator or in traffic? Stuck in an elevator… that’s hallucinations
66. Which is worse? Stepping in dog poo or sitting in gum? Sitting in gum, how I wan waka?
67. Do any of you know why we sneeze? Where did "God Bless You" originate? Nope
68. Which is more embarrassing to you? Walking with toilet paper on your shoe or with your pants unzipped? I think its got to be tissue
69. Which is worse? Foot odor or armpit odor? Armpit
70. Which is worse? Finding a bug in your sandwich or hair in your soup?
71. Would you rather have wheels or wings? Wings baby to fly!
72. Would you rather have seven older brothers or seven older sisters? Seven older brothers, believe me its best
73. Would you rather change your past or know your future? Know my future
74. How do you feel about haunted houses? Would you visit one? Well it sounds interesting to visit
75. What celebrity do you lust over? Currently its hill Harper
76. Would you rather kiss a stranger or someone you hate? Stranger will do
77. Women - What kind of perfume do you wear? Guys - Cologne? Got a couple, I think my fave now is eternity
78. Would you rather speak with God for one minute or add one year to your life- won’t pass speaking face to face with God
79. Would you rather be lost at sea or in a desert? Neither
80. Would you rather meet Scooby, Mickey Mouse, Garfield, or Bugs Bunny? Scooby Doby dooooooo
81. Would you rather have free chocolate for one year or free potatoes for life? Ha!! Don’t have to think about it, chocolate it is
82. Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Hatred
83. Would you rather be gossiped about or never talked about at all? Gossiped about, at least someone recognizes me.
84. Would you rather find one million dollars or find true love? True love
85. Would you rather sex in the morning or sex in the evening? Evening is great!
86. Do you tend to date people younger or older than you? Indifferent
87. Did you save yourself for marriage? Wish I had
88. would you, or have you ever dated any body with different political views as you? If so, would you marry this person? Maybe
89. Do you have any fears, phobias, or concerns about doctors? That they would prick me with a needle for something as a slight headache?
90. What do you think about tattoos? Do you have any? Would you ever get any? They are cool, no courage yet to get one.
91. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Irish cream
92. What talent do you wish you possessed? Ability to play the guitar
93. Are you generally an optimist, pessimist, or realist? Maybe a cross between an optimist and a realist

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

i feel lazy like the wind
unable to move my muscles to the beat
life's beat
fear grips often
ever so often
as my chest falls back inside
intimidated or timid, i really can't tell
what i want to be
becoming what i dream are miles apart
so i struggle,
fighting elements,panting
maybe i can get some accolades for trial
but almost never counts is the reply i get
the by stand is filled, too shy to move ahead
too far away to turn back
i stand still as i hear the cat calls and taunts
someone just pointed at me i said
as i felt my skin crawl with saliva
hot blazing sun,
red shot eyes
tired
tied
by my will
not by their jeers.
it can do nothing, I'm alligator skin
inches thick, filled with black pride.
my pride.
so i stand.

I really missed writing on this blog, it was a long weekend and actually interesting one for me. I really enjoy good conversation especially with someone who's deep and interesting. Well, had a good time being heard and spoken with. I just wish....sometimes wish……..
i sometimes wonder the really meaning of perfection, is it a novel idea or real? I just sometimes wonder. tried matching making last week, the guy is a close friend of mine, lets call him Ak and i hooked him up with a friend's friend, (Ka) who I've never met. I just gave Ak a general description, that Ka looked OK, maybe a bit busty but dark and pretty. Some days later i get a call from Ak with a stern warning never to introduce him to someone like Ka, ha!! see me see trouble? na helep na i bi wan helep am....anyways my PI instinct take over as i set out to meet Ka at a friend's friend's party. Was all set to met a Dracula queen when I saw a beautiful,dark girl who was just a little bit rusty in the dressing and makeup department and i started wondering, what’s up with guys and beautiful girls? All we want is a man who’s caring and we don’t mind if he looks like the hunch back of notre dame (actually not as bad sha!) as long as we are helplessly in love with the dude. here was a beautiful Ka being rejected by Ak who if i should add is your average looking dude wanna feel hot...... i don't want to go there....Ka spoke intelligently and works in a nice and good company, she looked like an independent kind of gal. well that's his loss and he should go out and look for miss world, that if she gives him as much as a hoot. An I hope he meets those pretty face no brains who are only interested in the weight of his bank account and how they can deplete it significantly!! Enough said, i really don't want to say what i feel about you.
Good luck Ak!!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

i'm soooo happy and all because of a phone call i've been waiting for............
God I'm so grateful...........

what do you say?


I had a short conversation with a friend and she complained about herself to me,

'been feeling kinda low lately, its like I'm stuck in a mold. complaints flow freely and that i hate, my feels keep oscillating. I'm tired of asking God for a change, plain tired..............guess I'm just in the mood. no smiles on my face , tears stinging my eyes,tired all over that's how i feel. then there is this deep gnawing in somewhere inside,I'm just in the wrong place,wrong time..wrong'.

there was nothing particularly wrong physically as she tried explaining her recent feelings,apart from she was very single,been in a series of broken relationships and a broken marriage, lonely, caught up in a dead end job, flat out broke.
i felt kinda sorry for her and wished i could help,being depressed is a scary feeling and that was where she was now,what do you tell a depressed friend to lighten her spirit up? most times we wait to see an outward expression of happiness and forget that joy comes from within out.

How do you tell Azal whose husband walked out on her after a month of marriage because of family pressure and feels rejected about trust,what do you tell C after seeing the other woman at her boyfriend's house about love and faithfulness? what do you say to Tiana who feels rejected and used by someone who promised by law? what do you tell these women, when all they ever wanted was friendship,love and trust. what do you say about starting all over, over again. from where? what do you say about violence to the mind? what do you say?

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